Chris20003

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Chris20003

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  • Town/Country : Schofield, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 11 November 1986 (29 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2205
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Chris20003's page activity

Visits<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 6:12pm<b>SmilieAKD</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 1:07am<b>mollyjynxjax</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 2:28am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 2:39pm<b>SillyGirl4602</b> - the 02/01/2013 at 2:58am<b>SerendipityRose</b> - the 01/11/2013 at 4:05am

Chris20003's FML badges

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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Chris20003's favorite FMLs

Today, after explaining to my two year old that we were going bra shopping, he decided to announce to the entire bank that we were going to buy Mommy some boobies. FML

by imamomma / 12/20/2011 at 1:59pm / United States / Kids

Today, I woke up with Skittles super glued to my forehead. FML

by awalc / 12/20/2011 at 12:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML

by me / 12/19/2011 at 10:53pm / United States / Work

Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML

by Bob smith / 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my girlfriend tried to cover my eyes while I was driving on the main street, all because she caught me looking at an ad featuring bikini-clad girls on the bus ahead of our car. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2011 at 3:31pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML

by grounded / 12/18/2011 at 4:59am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

by Sedici / 12/18/2011 at 2:44am / United States / Transportation

Today, after 5 years of no intimate, sexual contact with a woman, I finally got my chance. Unfortunately, I also discovered that I have full-on erectile dysfunction. I'm 23 years old. FML

by brokedick / 12/12/2011 at 1:23am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I rode the public bus. When I got off, I put my hood up only to discover that the old man who sat behind me had used my hood as a trashcan for his gum and used Kleenex. I can't get the gum out of my hair. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 1:42am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

by Joe / 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

by godhatesme / 12/10/2011 at 3:45am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was feeling super nervous about driving because I had my first accident the day before. As I stopped at a red light, I got rear-ended. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2011 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss' car. FML

by charliebravo77 / 12/09/2011 at 3:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

by Aly / 12/09/2011 at 10:40am / United States / Intimacy

Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML

by pinkleopleurodon / 12/09/2011 at 7:23am / United States / Miscellaneous