- Town/Country : Not specified
- Title : Mister
- Birth Date : Not specified
- <3 status : With someone
- Number of visits : 5249
- Number of comments : 3
- Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 10 posted
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You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML
by ByeByeBlackberry / 09/07/2009 at 1:32pm / United States (Illinois) / Money
Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML
by ElevatorThug / 08/25/2009 at 5:17am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML
by gbhlaughingstock / 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML
by anugla / 08/18/2009 at 1:02am / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML
by hunnydoll / 08/17/2009 at 8:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML
by Butterflyguy / 08/14/2009 at 1:10pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Animals
Today, I broke my mother's Tiffany lamp from the 1920's. Practically crying, I raced onto the computer to try to find one to order before she comes back in three weeks. The lamp is worth over twelve thousand dollars, and the only way I'm getting one is if I lived 90 years ago. FML
by someexplanationrequired / 08/03/2009 at 1:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML
by dumb / 08/03/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was mowing lawns for my summer job. I noticed next to me a shiny new corvette being washed by the owner. I gave a friendly wave, just as I heard a big clank as the mower blade shot a rock into the side of the car. FML
by ferrin10 / 07/26/2009 at 1:59am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
by nosrepamai82 / 07/26/2009 at 12:28am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML
by search_me / 07/16/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML
by stupid / 07/07/2009 at 10:34am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML
by Barista / 07/05/2009 at 1:21am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
by Anonymous / 06/30/2009 at 12:49am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML
by shroomda / 06/29/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous