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Chilaxe

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Chilaxe
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 472
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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Chilaxe's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a text from someone I've been avoiding saying, "Can I come visit you today?" I replied, "No, sorry, I'm not home." They then replied "Then who is that in your living room?" FML

#17913530
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27245) - you deserved it (5393)

On 10/05/2011 at 7:48pm - misc - by Pookaa (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, my mom instructed me to never scream when being attacked by a rapist. Apparently it would only anger him, causing him to chop my boobs off and superglue my eyes shut. FML

#17853519
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32253) - you deserved it (2559)

On 09/28/2011 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Sabraynay -

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

#17753266
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29762) - you deserved it (17168)

On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML

#17638273
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31997) - you deserved it (4152)

On 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by mannydanny (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, as I was making instant hot chocolate from the hot water dispenser in the break-room at work, a coworker informed me that it was industrial "recycled" wastewater that was only supposed to be used for washing tools. Thanks. I've only been doing that every day for the past 8 months. FML

#17623287
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23328) - you deserved it (4196)

On 08/30/2011 at 6:38pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in to kiss me. Being sweaty and nasty, I said "Not now, I'm hot and sweaty." He looked at me blankly and said "So am I, just smell my ball sweat." FML

#17611743
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24419) - you deserved it (6551)

On 08/29/2011 at 11:06am - intimacy - by hopeless-.- (woman) - United States

Today, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and told me that if I wanted to join the Lingerie Football League, I would have his approval. His drunken friends nodded in agreement. FML

#17588509
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28143) - you deserved it (2602)

On 08/26/2011 at 7:32pm - misc - by Alexis - United States (Virginia)

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

#17483730
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31691) - you deserved it (2552)

On 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm - misc - by creepedoutlady - United States

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

#17429124
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31615) - you deserved it (2216)

On 08/10/2011 at 1:00pm - health - by teeth (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my wife heard that wifi could be harmful for our newborn baby's undeveloped brain box. Her solution was to switch the wifi off on our laptops. She won't listen to the flaw in her plan. FML

#17411928
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20843) - you deserved it (2391)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:01pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, my mom picked up my dog from the groomers. I came home to find a small female terrier on our couch. My dog is a full grown male maltese. What's worse is that it took me a full 20 minutes to convince my mom that she had picked up the wrong dog. FML

#17384739
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23432) - you deserved it (2206)

On 08/06/2011 at 3:09am - animals - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
375 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46559) - you deserved it (2413)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

#17233165
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39295) - you deserved it (5244) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/23/2011 at 7:52pm - love - by mathii - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in a pool locker room, surrounded by semi-naked people. While changing into my clothes, I accidentally pushed a button on my phone, causing it to make the loud, unmistakable camera shutter sound effect. Everyone definitely heard it. FML

#17217334
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30027) - you deserved it (4530)

On 07/22/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Roode (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

#17182524
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30715) - you deserved it (6744)

On 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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