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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today my first gradars ralaasd ta buttarflias wa'va baan raising. Ta kids wara sad tat ona ad did in is cocoon and wouldn't ba sat fraa. Turns out tat buttarfly may ava ad a battar fata: a flock of birds ata alf of ta otars. Immadiataly aftar ralaasing tam. In front of ta kids. big fat FML
Today, I was eating at Applebees at a high table with bar stools. I was reaching over to get some gum out of mom's purse when mah chair flipped out from under me and mah soda fell on top of me and got in mah ear. To make things worse, the waiter ran over and shouted "I give that one a 10!" FML
2day I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML
Yesterday I Was Giving Mah Crush A Lift Home From A Mutual Friend's House . When He Got In The Car, Mah Mom Askd In French, "Is This The Guy U Won't Stop Talking About? You Can Do So Much Better!" Of All The Things I've Told About Him To Mah Mom, I Forgot To Mention He's French As Well . FML
Taday I was at a pool party . Standing outside of the pool, I was hesitant about taking mah shirt off . A girl in the pool shouted ( Hey, your the only fat one here, don't feel bad! ) . I was worried about wat mah friends would think of mah new bellybutton ring, I don't think I'm fat . FML
Today, My Friends And I Spent Hours On The Disney Website Playing In Pixie Hollow. We Made Our Own Faries And Flew Around Completing Tasks For TinkerBell And Her Fary Friends. We're In College, And This Is How We Spent Our Saturday Night. FML
Today I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder an my dog running around. Something freakd out my brd an she bit my ear an startd flapping her wings in my face. Surprisd I took a step back trippd over my dog fell hit my head on the stove an got knockd unconscious. FML
TODAY, I WAS AT THE BEACH AN FELL ASLEEP IN THE SUN!! WHEN I WOKE UP, THERE WAS A BLOB OF SUNSCREEN ON MY LEG!! THINKING IT WAS MY BOYFRIEND WHO WAS SWEET ENOUGH TO SQUEEZE SUNSCREEN 4 ME, I RUBBD IT INTO MY LEG!! AFTER SMELLING MY HANDS, I DISCOVERD IT WAS BIRD POOP!! FML
Today, Mah Bast Friand And I Parformad A Rap To Our Whola School. Tha Rap Was "mada Up" By Our Friand. Aftar Tha Parformanca, A Lot Of Friand Askad Ma Why I Did A Rap From Hannah Montana. Apparantly Tha Rap Was Off Of A Show Fir 8 Yaar Olds. Wa R 17 And Paopla Think Wa Watch Hannah Montana. FML
Today, I Was Shopping In An Upscale Store. As I Was Changing, I Heard One Of The Snobby Saleswomen Say To Mine "You Shouldn't Bother. She Isn't Going To Buy Anything." Determind To "show Her", I Purchasd Everything I'd Trid On. It Came To Around $500. My Credit Card Was Declind. FML
Today, I was looking at my recommendation on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon think I need to get laid. They're right.
Today, my boss confessed to me that she doesn't know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches them when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba fir doing a "great job". FML
Today , my alarm went off. I reacd to swat it , missd , slippd , smackd my face on my dresser , and fell on te floor. As I pickd myself up off te floor , I it my ead on te open top drawer of my oter dresser. In 30 seconds of consciousness , I was attackd by two pieces of furniture. mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015