About ChefPhilly : Hmmm... I know this one... Uhhh Ummm Urrr... Gimmie a hint?
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ChefPhilly's favorite FMLs
Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
by Skyler / 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 6:30am / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML
by bobthenun / 03/20/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML
by fredo / 03/19/2013 at 8:31am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML
by seriously / 03/04/2013 at 7:43pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
by anony / 02/27/2013 at 8:49am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML
by Puppylove / 02/26/2013 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML
by theydidsmellitthough / 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Miscellaneous
by DogLover / 02/06/2013 at 8:59am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML
by Fireguy92 / 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by Keastwood013 / 01/18/2013 at 10:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML
by SF49 / 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm / United States / Health
Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML
by habassistant / 01/02/2013 at 10:49am / United States (Ohio) / Work