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Cheeze_frecklez6's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 3:08pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML
by Treats For Days / 07/19/2013 at 9:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 1:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working at Walmart, I was walking the sales floor and passed the end of an aisle. I saw a customer coming at me from the corner of my eye, so I jumped backwards. I hit a display case, and watched it topple over before turning to apologize to the customer. It was a ladder. FML
by Olerbia / 05/28/2013 at 3:11am / United States / Work
Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
by Skyler / 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 2:49pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by fiercehawk / 04/24/2013 at 2:23am / United States (Indiana) / Health
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by anon / 12/31/2012 at 1:13pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
by lorahayes / 01/05/2012 at 1:39pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Miscellaneous
by asianlover / 06/30/2011 at 3:24am / Finland (Western Finland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML
by anon / 01/31/2011 at 5:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by bribreeeeeezyfreshhh / 12/06/2010 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML
- Today, my live in boyfriend has been giving me the silent treatment for the last three days because… Today, we were given an essay topic in English. The assignment involves us picking a politician by… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I…