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Cheesus_Crust

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Cheesus_Crust

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  • Number of visits : 360
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cheesus_Crust's page activity

Visits<b>Hopein2025</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 2:43pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 2:55pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 9:57pm<b>acidinsomniac</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 8:58am<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 11:16am

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50 favourites

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Cheesus_Crust's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

#21279390
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34212) - you deserved it (5541)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by highfive - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33420) - you deserved it (3641)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I watched from my office window as a couple maneuvered their car to squash a dead pigeon flat on the road. I then watched as they got out of the car, set up tripods and started taking photos of it. FML

Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting a taxi from his place. FML

#21273346
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37850) - you deserved it (3060)

On 10/08/2014 at 5:01am - misc - by rockytrolley - Cyprus

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45137) - you deserved it (3476)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

#21263689
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31392) - you deserved it (2886)

On 09/23/2014 at 8:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

#21262985
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34791) - you deserved it (2866)

On 09/22/2014 at 6:58am - health - by deathstar3548 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

#21262936
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37495) - you deserved it (4555)

On 09/22/2014 at 2:45am - health - by thebrokentardis (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got an Economics test back from my professor. I got a 17/20. I looked it over and noticed one of the questions was completely right. I checked the textbook he made and the answer was the same. I asked him why it was wrong, and he responded with, "I guess I changed my mind." FML

#21260926
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36516) - you deserved it (2188)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:44pm - misc - by badprofessor - United States (New York)

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

#21259933
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39712) - you deserved it (2526)

On 09/17/2014 at 8:18am - misc - by makeyourselfathome (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

#21259366
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38714) - you deserved it (2516)

On 09/16/2014 at 10:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

#21258867
80 comments

Today, I discovered that one of our cats is super creepy. He humps the blankets on my mother's bed while staring at her while she's sleeping. FML

#21257305
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36665) - you deserved it (3198)

On 09/13/2014 at 2:56am - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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