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Cheesus_Crust

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Cheesus_Crust

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1916
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cheesus_Crust's page activity

Visits<b>Hopein2025</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 2:43pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 2:55pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 9:57pm<b>acidinsomniac</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 8:58am<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 11:16am

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Cheesus_Crust's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

#21405973
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32257) - you deserved it (4353)

On 05/06/2015 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by dadoftheyear (man) - United States

Today, I had to play the hot and cold game with my boyfriend until he found my clitoris. FML

#21405064
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34390) - you deserved it (4510)

On 05/05/2015 at 11:13am - intimacy - by baby_trex_arms - United States (California)

Today, my mom told me that if I wanted to commit suicide, I should make it seem like a car accident, and not do it in the house, because she would be too embarrassed if people thought she was a bad parent. FML

#21401085
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36317) - you deserved it (2628)

On 04/28/2015 at 9:26am - misc - by WasNotAdopted (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was ringing up a woman at work. I saw she'd bought a birthday cake, so I smiled and said I hope whoever it was for has a happy birthday. She looked at me in disgust, told me to mind my own business, then called me a "chucklefuck bitch". Okay then. FML

#21345551
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28559) - you deserved it (2236)

On 01/28/2015 at 10:01am - work - by retailshell (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over and do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, and I should have refused to comply. I didn't know they're even allowed do that. FML

#21340454
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35756) - you deserved it (5026)

On 01/19/2015 at 6:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

#21309415
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48356) - you deserved it (13580)

On 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML

#21304848
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33771) - you deserved it (2730)

On 11/23/2014 at 10:48pm - work - by justinmdent - United States (Missouri)

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

#21302695
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29336) - you deserved it (2278)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

#21299790
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32817) - you deserved it (4439)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by omgdesdes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41578) - you deserved it (3798)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31531) - you deserved it (7827)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32849) - you deserved it (4582)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

#21285821
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37206) - you deserved it (4115)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm - love - by mellielynnemily - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

#21284275
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37797) - you deserved it (10997)

On 10/24/2014 at 6:54am - intimacy - by too good - United Kingdom (Kent)



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