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Cheesus_Crust

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Cheesus_Crust

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  • Number of visits : 670
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Cheesus_Crust's page activity

Visits<b>Hopein2025</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 2:43pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 2:55pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 9:57pm<b>acidinsomniac</b> - the 01/28/2014 at 8:58am<b>TourettesGuyFTW</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 11:16am

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Cheesus_Crust's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

#21309415
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42405) - you deserved it (10755)

On 12/01/2014 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML

#21304848
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32250) - you deserved it (2469)

On 11/23/2014 at 10:48pm - work - by justinmdent - United States (Missouri)

Today, while using a public toilet, a guy started pissing beside me at the urinal. The breach of bathroom etiquette then escalated to him taking a long look down at me and saying "Nice sack, dude." followed by him finishing up and leaving without even washing his hands. FML

#21302695
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29189) - you deserved it (2264)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

#21299790
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31590) - you deserved it (4357)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:29pm - intimacy - by omgdesdes (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40179) - you deserved it (3419)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, we are reading Animal Farm in class. Almost the entire class think it's about animal abuse. Including the teacher. FML

#21291068
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36618) - you deserved it (2533)

On 11/03/2014 at 6:04am - misc - by literature -

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31390) - you deserved it (7799)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32601) - you deserved it (4552)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

#21285821
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35744) - you deserved it (3955)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm - love - by mellielynnemily - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

#21284275
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36969) - you deserved it (10789)

On 10/24/2014 at 6:54am - intimacy - by too good - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I learned that if you give a squirrel a cookie, he'll climb up your pants in search of more cookies. FML

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

#21279390
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37811) - you deserved it (5923)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by highfive - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35575) - you deserved it (3733)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I watched from my office window as a couple maneuvered their car to squash a dead pigeon flat on the road. I then watched as they got out of the car, set up tripods and started taking photos of it. FML

Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting a taxi from his place. FML

#21273346
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38677) - you deserved it (3086)

On 10/08/2014 at 5:01am - misc - by rockytrolley - Cyprus



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