I like to start controversial topics. I say what most people hold back. I'm different. :) Message me?
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23478) - you totally deserved it (2118)
On 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm - kids - by Ben (man) - United States
Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38021) - you totally deserved it (4735)
On 08/16/2009 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by Steve (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8610) - you totally deserved it (25397)
On 08/11/2009 at 11:34pm - kids - by SomeDJ (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was at my girlfriends house with just me and her. Things began to get heated and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24177) - you totally deserved it (44468)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I pulled up next to my boyfriend at a stoplight. He was in the back of a police car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37338) - you totally deserved it (3683)
On 07/21/2009 at 1:45pm - love - by sexychica (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28975) - you totally deserved it (8402)
On 07/21/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Pimp-Daddy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my dad told me he knew exactly where to poke me in the stomach to make me have instant diarrhea. I joked and said I didn't believe him. I am now stuck cleaning shit out of my favorite jeans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33117) - you totally deserved it (8868)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:57pm - health - by Stupido (man) - United States (California)
Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38604) - you totally deserved it (2011)
On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14229) - you totally deserved it (222078)
On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day. FML
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On 04/03/2009 at 12:19am - love - by kenken2 (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23502) - you totally deserved it (175591)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (216140) - you totally deserved it (238590)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
I agree, your life sucks (283852) - you totally deserved it (15577)
On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)
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