Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CessOMG

Search for a member

CessOMG

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 5 July 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7074
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About CessOMG : Princess of the b!tches.

CessOMG's page activity

Visits<b>MaFioso13</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 9:11pm<b>maddiiee00</b> - the 05/11/2013 at 11:31am

CessOMG's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

CessOMG's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

#19987541
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23978) - you deserved it (7172)

On 07/27/2012 at 3:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Ostfold)

Today, I had my eyebrows waxed for my senior pictures. After manhandling me, the cosmetologist managed to "accidentally" take my whole eyebrow off. It looks like I'll be remembered forevermore as the girl with one eyebrow. FML

#19987412
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19898) - you deserved it (2691)

On 07/27/2012 at 1:46pm - misc - by booo - United States (Nevada)

Today, I asked my husband if he knew what day it was. His answer was, "garbage day?" It's our six-year anniversary. FML

#19987123
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21256) - you deserved it (2971)

On 07/27/2012 at 10:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my live-in-boyfriend lost his job. Jokingly, I told him that we weren't going to have sex until he found a new job. He then turned to me with the most excited look I have ever seen on his face and said "I am going to stay unemployed forever!" He was serious. FML

#19987101
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26398) - you deserved it (8211)

On 07/27/2012 at 9:45am - intimacy - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my iPhone got back from being fixed. When I opened the box there was a note attached to my phone that said, "All you had to do was turn it on." FML

#19986553
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4830) - you deserved it (33414)

On 07/27/2012 at 1:05am - misc - by ryanharp2 - United States (Arkansas)

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20710) - you deserved it (1559)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, the power went out in my area. My wife and I were bored so I lit some candles, poured some wine, and left little to her imagination about what my intent was. We cuddled a while and as I leaned in for a kiss the power came back on. She was more excited that the WiFi was back than anything. FML

#19986265
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20042) - you deserved it (1761)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML

Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML

#19984171
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8750) - you deserved it (31845)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by Infiltrator4444 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my mom got a new puppy and named her Olivia. Which would be fine, if that wasn't the name I had been planning to give my baby, who's due in 3 weeks. Thanks mom. FML

#19983667
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25532) - you deserved it (2062)

On 07/25/2012 at 3:46pm - kids - by madmomma - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a fifth date with a guy, and he asked me if we could be boyfriend and girlfriend. Just after I said yes, he pulled out a contract and asked me to sign on the dotted line. FML

#19983177
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25618) - you deserved it (2877)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:03am - love - by Unlucky (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML

#19982859
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22917) - you deserved it (1494)

On 07/25/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by arw - United States

Today, a customer punched me in the face for repeating their order back to them because they thought I was making fun of their speech impediment. I have the same speech impediment. FML

#19982373
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34008) - you deserved it (1840)

On 07/24/2012 at 9:37pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

#19980776
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25072) - you deserved it (6393)

On 07/24/2012 at 1:04am - misc - by Joey - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a news story about how wearing flip-flops is dangerous. I scoffed at the ridiculous study and went about my business. Three hours later I accidentally ripped off my toenail. While wearing flip-flops. FML

#19980407
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8517) - you deserved it (15292)

On 07/23/2012 at 10:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: