Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CessOMG

Search for a member

CessOMG

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 5 July 1992 (22 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7711
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About CessOMG : Princess of the b!tches.

CessOMG's page activity

Visits<b>MaFioso13</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 9:11pm<b>maddiiee00</b> - the 05/11/2013 at 11:31am

CessOMG's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

CessOMG's favorite FMLs

Today, I was bagging my groceries when I accidentally smacked myself in the face with a box of popsicles, giving myself a nose bleed. I found out that the cashier hates the sight of blood when she passed out behind the register. They called security on me. FML

Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML

#20008307
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26928) - you deserved it (5655)

On 08/07/2012 at 8:11pm - misc - by ohai95 (man) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

#20007961
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31768) - you deserved it (3004)

On 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

#20007867
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16992) - you deserved it (10596)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm - work - by Employee (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML

#20007765
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19078) - you deserved it (1899)

On 08/07/2012 at 2:04pm - misc - by Alisha - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out why I can't sleep at night. My wife switched my sleep aid pills with energy pills. FML

#20007763
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23506) - you deserved it (2104)

On 08/07/2012 at 1:59pm - love - by Blackfell - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

#20007517
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25115) - you deserved it (2553)

On 08/07/2012 at 10:49am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself. FML

#20007431
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21579) - you deserved it (5724)

On 08/07/2012 at 9:19am - intimacy - by Nightmares - United States

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

#20006687
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20864) - you deserved it (7086)

On 08/06/2012 at 11:08pm - health - by anonymous - Australia

Today, I called in to my girlfriend's favorite radio station to propose. After spending what seemed like an eternity telling her how much I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, she took a deep breath, said, "How about no?" and hung up. FML

#20005989
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30301) - you deserved it (3739)

On 08/06/2012 at 3:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

#20005444
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19967) - you deserved it (2335)

On 08/06/2012 at 7:20am - misc - by Spockx - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

#20005230
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25911) - you deserved it (5164)

On 08/06/2012 at 2:37am - love - by shastadoe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML

#20002582
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21822) - you deserved it (1592)

On 08/04/2012 at 6:15pm - misc - by bellsucker - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I caught my boyfriend staring at my sister through the doorway while we were having sex. FML

#20001613
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26999) - you deserved it (8284)

On 08/04/2012 at 2:17am - intimacy - by 420SUX - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML

#20000050
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22630) - you deserved it (1779)

On 08/03/2012 at 7:28am - misc - by Lara (woman) - Italy (Toscana)



FML's blog

  • FML's Labor Day BBQ
  • The first Monday of September is a holiday in some countries, and is supposed to celebrate Labor Day. So, this means you do nothing to celebrate doing something. I'm confused.  For those of us who…

Monday 1 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: