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Celeden

Offline (the 07/26/2015 at 7:49pm) | Search for a member

Celeden

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 2287
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Celeden's page activity

Visits<b>teapotrevolt</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 5:00pm<b>SecretSociety7</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 3:52am<b>saffy66</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 8:14am<b>thejonac</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 6:35am<b>ETwilleatyou</b> - the 03/31/2015 at 9:54pm<b>ThatOtherMegan</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 5:05pm<b>kingkobrastrikes</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 7:17pm<b>thejay907</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 8:03pm

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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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Celeden's favorite FMLs

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

#21442030
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32866) - you deserved it (2316)

On 07/15/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up and texted my girlfriend, "Good morning" like I do everyday. She responded with, "I'm dating somebody else". FML

Today, my mother woke me up by putting a beer on my face. After 15 minutes of her telling me to "just take a sip" and me rejecting it, I finally did just to shut her up. She then yelled at me for giving in to "peer pressure". FML

#21432298
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26571) - you deserved it (2462)

On 06/26/2015 at 12:38pm - misc - by Good Parenting? - United States (Maryland)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

#21420087
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36481) - you deserved it (2557)

On 06/03/2015 at 3:22am - intimacy - by W T F (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

#21414033
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27766) - you deserved it (4558)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

#21412477
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27864) - you deserved it (10015)

On 05/19/2015 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, at work, I was about to close a big sale, when a coworker rushed over and said there was a call for me in the office. He heavily implied my mom had died, and I rushed out. After I figured out there was no call and that my mom was fine, he'd already stolen my sale and the commission. FML

#21410601
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35471) - you deserved it (2014)

On 05/15/2015 at 4:58pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

#21410572
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33329) - you deserved it (2594)

On 05/15/2015 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by nazirah4shizzle (woman) - United States

Today, some genius shot through a red light, hitting my car and nearly killing me. When I went to ask if he was okay, the first words out of his mouth were "I hope you have insurance". FML

#21410548
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29858) - you deserved it (1838)

On 05/15/2015 at 2:48pm - misc - by hendrixisgod86 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

#21409928
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32621) - you deserved it (7089)

On 05/14/2015 at 8:42am - work - by HiddlePuff - Australia

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31167) - you deserved it (2907)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mother asked me how pasta is harvested. She actually thought it grew out of the ground. FML

#21408925
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26835) - you deserved it (2163)

On 05/12/2015 at 12:37pm - misc - by a - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

#21408378
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31976) - you deserved it (4840)

On 05/11/2015 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

#21403720
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29442) - you deserved it (4566)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Finland

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML

#21403711
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31849) - you deserved it (3001)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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