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Cat_Daniels's favorite FMLs
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by notthebesttime / 10/13/2012 at 8:04am / Intimacy
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2012 at 7:37am / United States / Kids
Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML
by Shiverice / 10/13/2012 at 7:22am / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML
by afraidtosleep / 10/13/2012 at 2:35am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
by WTF / 10/12/2012 at 7:00pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a coffee date with the man I've been in love with for a while. Before I knew what was going on, he'd started chatting up a pretty girl sitting nearby. I had to drink my coffee alone while he got her number. FML
by firstdategonebad / 10/12/2012 at 2:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out on his deck out back. When leaving, I heard the sliding glass door open on the upper deck, I froze in the yard to not be seen. Too bad I didn't move. Apparently his dad pees off the deck at night. I had to walk home covered in pee. FML
by monkeyzz / 10/12/2012 at 7:11am / United States (California) / Health
Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML
by You're NOT getting lucky today hun / 10/12/2012 at 5:27am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by sadness / 10/11/2012 at 10:48pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love
Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML
by future missing person maker person thingy / 10/11/2012 at 4:37pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids
by EastOneTen / 10/06/2012 at 3:28am / United States / Health
by monkers / 10/06/2012 at 3:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML
by Joey / 10/06/2012 at 1:57am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML
by fucking har har, dad / 10/05/2012 at 7:38pm / Australia / Health
- Today, while I was moderating FMLs, I felt bad for saying "no" to a couple of them, but just a word… Today, I asked my girlfriend for a blowjob. She turned down my request, but not because she didn't… Today, I was playing a video game with my girlfriend, and it started getting really hard, so within…
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that…