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Cat_Daniels's favorite FMLs
Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML
by Sam l. / 11/10/2012 at 1:51am / United States / Animals
Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML
by dating a fking cnt / 11/09/2012 at 7:16pm / Canada / Health
Today, I paid a surprise visit to my parents, after having moved out for university last year. My room had been stripped bare and all the family photos featuring me were missing from the wall. When I asked why, my mom asked me in return why I was asking stupid questions. FML
by jan420 / 11/09/2012 at 5:03pm / Norway (Ostfold) / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/09/2012 at 3:53pm / New Zealand (Gisborne) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML
by EnglishLearner / 11/09/2012 at 11:23am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Work
by mayerstexmex69 / 11/08/2012 at 10:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML
by Shauna / 11/08/2012 at 6:09am / United States / Kids
Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2012 at 1:13am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML
by ohcrap / 11/07/2012 at 8:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML
by anon / 11/07/2012 at 6:28pm / United States / Health
Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML
by NotAnExcuse / 11/07/2012 at 12:58am / United States / Transportation
by jailofc / 11/07/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Arizona) / Work
Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML
by Misunderstood Waitress / 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm / United States / Work
Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML
by new name / 11/06/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
by sadness1992 / 11/06/2012 at 1:07pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't… Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I… Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it…