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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23461) - you deserved it (2385)
On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24032) - you deserved it (1134)
On 10/26/2012 at 8:14pm - animals - by birthday girl (woman) - Australia
Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14816) - you deserved it (1855)
On 10/26/2012 at 12:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)
Today, while walking on a nearly empty street, my friend dared me to slap a tall muscular chick on the butt and run away. I went and did it, but before I even had a chance to turn and run, she grabbed me, bent me over her knee and spanked me until I cried. My friend filmed it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5134) - you deserved it (33598)
On 10/24/2012 at 1:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my intoxicated husband asked my very conservative parents how their sex life is now that all the kids are out of the house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15774) - you deserved it (1698)
On 09/25/2012 at 9:48pm - intimacy - by kiwi2323 (woman) - United States
Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17176) - you deserved it (1744)
On 09/25/2012 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my boss told me his cancer test results came back positive. I congratulated him and asked how he planned to celebrate. It turns out a positive cancer test result is a bad thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4944) - you deserved it (38907)
On 09/22/2012 at 2:24am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was having a race with a little kid. I let him win to make him feel like a champion. After the race, he turned to me and said, "Maybe if you weren't so fat you would have won." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16356) - you deserved it (2704)
On 09/20/2012 at 10:40pm - kids - by tiredeolfatty (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23827) - you deserved it (2566)
On 09/19/2012 at 10:54am - misc - by LawStudent (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5731) - you deserved it (34451)
On 09/17/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by GN (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20027) - you deserved it (3568)
On 06/29/2012 at 7:57pm - health - by fuckjuggalos (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20603) - you deserved it (2994)
On 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6397) - you deserved it (15369)
On 03/29/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by greeneyedpothead - United States (California)
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25631) - you deserved it (4304)
On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)
Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21608) - you deserved it (1615)
On 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Montana)
Monday 17 June 2013
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