About CarterColbie : Hello there, I'm RIZZY (I run this bitch now). I first discovered FML in history class a while ago. One of them made me giggle like mad at one of the most innappropriate times. What were we discussing in class that fateful day? The Holocaust.
Anyways, I'm from New York. I used to live in Canada. I love playing guitar, writing songs, and reading. One day I hope to pursue a career in comedy.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35532) - you deserved it (4364)
On 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by squirrels69ing (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35532) - you deserved it (4364)
On 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by squirrels69ing (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27050) - you deserved it (2616)
On 01/26/2011 at 2:48am - kids - by Braelynn -
Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26831) - you deserved it (2848)
On 11/25/2010 at 9:48am - animals - by Seline -
Today, at Burger King, I had to go to the bathroom. Two ketchup packets were under the seat and exploded on my legs and pants when I sat down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24004) - you deserved it (4304)
On 10/23/2010 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19469) - you deserved it (9191)
On 01/13/2010 at 11:42am - intimacy - by pleasedtomeetyou (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9974) - you deserved it (20351)
On 12/17/2009 at 2:09pm - animals - by ohmy (woman) - Canada
Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9281) - you deserved it (18450)
On 11/27/2009 at 5:11am - misc - by Nick (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61870) - you deserved it (9238)
On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31926) - you deserved it (2161)
On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27978) - you deserved it (3584)
On 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by sickkid (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from "SpongeBob" with large letters spelling "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21378) - you deserved it (2120)
On 11/14/2009 at 6:08am - misc - by squidwardpotatoes (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my husband left his cell phone at home. I looked through his contacts and found a person named "The Bitch." Being a very curious person, I decided to call "The Bitch" to see who it was. My phone rang. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30290) - you deserved it (11351)
Today, I celebrated my 18th birthday. Alone. My only birthday wish came from the police officer who gave me a ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23608) - you deserved it (2296)
On 11/07/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by bdayloser (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I decided to adopt a 11 year old dog that has been in need of a home for several months. Two hours after I got him home, I discovered him dead in the backyard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32369) - you deserved it (2947)
On 10/30/2009 at 3:45am - animals - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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