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About CaptainPickles72 : You like me, and I, like you, like me!
10/10 people say I'm funny, and they also say 99% of statistics are made up. These people seem to know a lot! You know what that means!? I'm fucking funny!!
Your words say no, but your kicks to the groin say yes!
I like to joke around a lot, though I wouldn't say I'm an entirely funny person. I do have my moments though! If you wanna message me and joke around or just wanna ask a question or two, feel free to! I'm a nice person and love getting to know people.
I would write some more, but I'm too busy giving back to the community via the drugs I sell them.
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100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
50 quality responses
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Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1786) - you deserved it (11371)
On 05/12/2012 at 12:27am - misc - by Snickers (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend cuffed my legs to the bed. After the sex we discovered one of the cuffs wouldn't open. After an hour of trying to pry them open, I had to waddle with him to the fire station to have them removed in front of 4 amused firefighters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4439) - you deserved it (1692)
On 05/05/2012 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Israel (Tel Aviv)
Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2439) - you deserved it (5756)
On 04/13/2012 at 9:11am - intimacy - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6828) - you deserved it (4792)
On 04/12/2012 at 1:54pm - intimacy - by CantPublish - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (4150) - you deserved it (10259)
On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8993) - you deserved it (705)
On 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4618) - you deserved it (804)
On 03/28/2012 at 6:49pm - kids - by laststand11 - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3942) - you deserved it (6466)
On 03/25/2012 at 2:04pm - health - by analeis (woman) - United Kingdom (Liverpool)
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7553) - you deserved it (1247)
On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)
Today, I broke my little toe. It got stuck in my panties as I struggled to get a leg through. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5805) - you deserved it (1570) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1886) - you deserved it (8367)
On 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by StinkyandStupid - United States
Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2679) - you deserved it (8004)
On 03/09/2012 at 11:55am - misc - by h4rdy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17203) - you deserved it (2006)
On 02/08/2012 at 12:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28526) - you deserved it (1649)
On 02/02/2012 at 6:32am - misc - by aliezzedine (man) - Lebanon
Today, I was left at the altar. For the second time. By the same man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25014) - you deserved it (39232)
On 01/30/2012 at 12:37am - love - by givingup (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
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