CaptainPat

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CaptainPat

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 23 October 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 19944
  • Number of comments : 147
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About CaptainPat : i am me

CaptainPat's page activity

Visits<b>silkyred</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 4:19pm<b>dandee_one</b> - the 01/01/2016 at 9:35am<b>Newdude12</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 4:04pm<b>Juicenub</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 9:35am<b>Dartual</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 2:08pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 1:17pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 5:01pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 3:14pm<b>midnighttoker7</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 5:22am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/28/2014 at 1:18am<b>EvilEthan</b> - the 08/31/2013 at 6:35am<b>Fireashes250</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 12:21am<b>lkalili</b> - the 02/03/2013 at 9:47pm<b>N_GwallaWeTrust</b> - the 01/31/2013 at 11:41pm<b>Covenant74</b> - the 01/12/2013 at 12:37pm<b>shsean1love</b> - the 12/17/2012 at 2:37pm<b>patacus</b> - the 08/05/2012 at 1:19am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:30pm

CaptainPat's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

CaptainPat's favorite FMLs

Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML

by Alice / 05/27/2011 at 1:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

by BaconBreathBlonde / 10/29/2009 at 8:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I proposed to a girl I'd been in love with for 6 years. I filled the balcony of the building where I'd first laid eyes on her with innumerable roses and, under the starlit sky, I did it. She later posted on facebook 'OMG. This geek I knew from high school did the FUNNIEST thing today'. FML

by JackOLantern / 07/13/2009 at 4:16pm / Satellite Provider / Love

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2009 at 3:17am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy

Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML

by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

by madzlovesgee / 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was hanging out at a friend's house. Her adorable 5 year old sister came up, gave me a hug, and said, "You're fat. When are you going home?" FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2009 at 10:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML

by tmac / 04/03/2009 at 9:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends were being rude to me, so I decided to be nice to a boy that didn't have many friends. While I was talking to him he popped a pimple on his face and tasted it. FML

by lalanon / 04/03/2009 at 1:16am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2009 at 12:46am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

by Nikki / 03/17/2009 at 11:15pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

by Noname / 03/12/2009 at 5:30am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Intimacy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy