CaptainKluttz

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CaptainKluttz

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1306
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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CaptainKluttz's page activity

Visits<b>Zakirsd</b> - the 04/26/2013 at 6:02am

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CaptainKluttz's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

by Anonymous / 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm / United States / Animals

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

by mile high clubber / 07/14/2013 at 6:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, I walked in on my 14-year-old son apparently practicing his oral sex skills on the crotch of one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

by The fuck, junior? / 07/05/2013 at 6:45pm / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, I found out my old DVD player is jealous of my Blu-ray player. It fell from the top of my closet and hit me in the head. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 2:57am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

by future brain bleach addict / 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

by SecondBest,IGuess / 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

by JRLJLS / 04/15/2013 at 5:09am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

by ironies a b*tch / 04/13/2013 at 1:04am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

by Annoyed Student / 04/09/2013 at 7:09pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Work

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

by dancekat / 04/08/2013 at 5:17am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

by fredo / 03/19/2013 at 8:31am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

by je_regrette_tout / 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm / Intimacy