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Captain0bv10us

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Captain0bv10us
  • Town/Country : AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1478
  • Number of comments : 134
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Captain0bv10us : I am a manwhore without a peer, absorbing sex from the atmosphere...

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Captain0bv10us's favorite FMLs

Today, my racist grandmother was complaining that the new nurse at her nursing home is a black woman. I casually asked, "Is she cute?" I'm now out of the will. FML

#18641039
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27643) - you deserved it (6484)

On 12/29/2011 at 1:47am - misc - by Snurkles McGree (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

#18622052
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6274) - you deserved it (45678)

On 12/27/2011 at 2:12am - misc - by Yo mom - United States (California)

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40300) - you deserved it (4928)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML

#18456086
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29285) - you deserved it (4273)

On 12/07/2011 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by journey_Jeanne - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because we watched a movie that Taylor Lautner was in, she claims they made special eye contact and they are destined to be together. FML

#18379052
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37741) - you deserved it (4034)

On 11/28/2011 at 8:33pm - love - by hot_shot (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because we watched a movie that Taylor Lautner was in, she claims they made special eye contact and they are destined to be together. FML

#18379052
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37741) - you deserved it (4034)

On 11/28/2011 at 8:33pm - love - by hot_shot (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer". I'm a girl. FML

#17950170
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26031) - you deserved it (2400)

On 10/10/2011 at 4:29am - health - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer". I'm a girl. FML

#17950170
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26031) - you deserved it (2400)

On 10/10/2011 at 4:29am - health - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I tried to close my desk drawer by hitting it with my hip, like they do in the movies. Everything on my desk fell off. FML

#17618685
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8386) - you deserved it (24709)

On 08/30/2011 at 2:30am - work - by rojin12 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27791) - you deserved it (5038)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a break-up letter, using Comic Sans. FML

#17576599
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29431) - you deserved it (3841)

On 08/25/2011 at 10:33am - love - by hendrix1 - United States (California)

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

#17391065
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30605) - you deserved it (9233)

On 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 5 year old fish died. As I was flushing him, he started swimming again. FML

#17371338
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37018) - you deserved it (6968)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:47pm - animals - by dukebluedevils13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized burying my dog underneath our swing-set was a bad idea. My two sons are now scarred for life. FML

#17364695
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7466) - you deserved it (42590)

On 08/04/2011 at 6:19am - kids - by Bobsaget00 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized burying my dog underneath our swing-set was a bad idea. My two sons are now scarred for life. FML

#17364695
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7466) - you deserved it (42590)

On 08/04/2011 at 6:19am - kids - by Bobsaget00 (man) - United States (Ohio)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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