About Capt_Obvious : Gamer, Grammar NAZI, Sarcastic . . . That's about all you need to know.
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Today, whilst trying on a pair of jeans, I got my genitals caught in my fly. I'm a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26892) - you deserved it (8000)
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35794) - you deserved it (3758)
On 10/20/2011 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by boopadoop - United States
Today, I came home crying and informed my mother that someone had called me a 'fat bitch' today. She held me at arms length, looked me straight in the eyes, and lovingly said, "You can't change who you are." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25991) - you deserved it (4476)
On 10/20/2011 at 12:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Ireland (Meath)
Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8092) - you deserved it (43153)
On 10/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by tommyboy783 - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my parents had a fight as to which one of them is the most cultured. As a result, they've begun writing my chore lists in a variety of languages. If I don't do them, I'm grounded. I only speak English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19076) - you deserved it (2035)
On 10/19/2011 at 6:29pm - misc - by Missy - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25841) - you deserved it (4696)
On 10/19/2011 at 10:03am - kids - by optimistic2628 - United States
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15310) - you deserved it (27689)
On 10/18/2011 at 2:55am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. He didn't know how to take off my bra and insisted that he'd figure it out on his own. He gave up a couple seconds later and played video games instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31350) - you deserved it (5080)
On 10/18/2011 at 12:50am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (California)
Today, I was given an entire week of detention for planking on my school desk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12169) - you deserved it (53566)
On 10/17/2011 at 6:05pm - misc - by planking champion (woman) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, my 28-year-old brother who has been pranking me all my life, put a chocolate cupcake on my chair. I sat on it, with my white dress. On my wedding day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55365) - you deserved it (2806)
On 10/17/2011 at 4:39am - misc - by cupcake_butt - United States
Today, at my job in the cosmetics department, I was helping a customer find something to her taste. She said, "I want a lipstick like you. Something that says, 'I'm a bitch'." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24597) - you deserved it (4338) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31433) - you deserved it (4279)
On 10/16/2011 at 12:22am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21908) - you deserved it (3448)
On 10/15/2011 at 1:05pm - kids - by myfamilyisodd (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my brother put pepper spray on my toilet paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36678) - you deserved it (2615)
On 10/15/2011 at 3:18am - misc - by Ca13b - United States (Oregon)
Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23299) - you deserved it (2551)
On 10/14/2011 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Monday 20 May 2013
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