About Capt_Oblivious : You cannot even begin to imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.
Want to know more? Contact me, it may just enrich your life. But probably not by much.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, I took my cat to the vet for an x-ray. They found three dollar coins in his stomach. The surgery to remove them is $600. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21916) - you deserved it (2881)
On 11/03/2011 at 4:06pm - money - by oneillrox - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12167) - you deserved it (24915)
On 11/03/2011 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by snownerd - United States (Ohio)
Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35929) - you deserved it (3107)
On 11/01/2011 at 5:50pm - health - by stitchesupmyass (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40005) - you deserved it (3998)
On 11/01/2011 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)
Today, I learned the hard way that you should never use medical tape to secure gauze over a razor cut on your scrotum. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6930) - you deserved it (25062)
On 11/01/2011 at 10:52am - health - by pain - United States
Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9850) - you deserved it (49738)
On 11/01/2011 at 9:22am - health - by loves the smell of burning flesh - United States (California)
Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43088) - you deserved it (3424)
On 10/18/2011 at 10:16am - health - by stdpositivenow (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23729) - you deserved it (1310)
On 10/13/2011 at 4:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, after a week of searching, I found my escaped snake. In my umbrella, outside, after opening it over my head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19922) - you deserved it (6815)
On 10/11/2011 at 11:22am - misc - by lollymay13 (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer". I'm a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23193) - you deserved it (1897)
Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21406) - you deserved it (1520)
On 10/09/2011 at 11:30pm - work - by Username - United States (Texas)
Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19512) - you deserved it (2293)
On 10/07/2011 at 10:40pm - misc - by ...... (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16120) - you deserved it (32349)
On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)
Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came out, the front end of my car was crushed in. On the window was a note only saying "Sorry I bumped into your car." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22572) - you deserved it (1479)
On 09/26/2011 at 1:18pm - money - by This Guy - United States
Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23054) - you deserved it (3341)
On 09/23/2011 at 6:24pm - love - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)
Monday 20 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
