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Capt_Oblivious

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Capt_Oblivious

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7086
  • Number of comments : 395
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Capt_Oblivious : You cannot even begin to imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

Want to know more? Contact me, it may just enrich your life. But probably not by much.

Capt_Oblivious's page activity

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Capt_Oblivious's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Capt_Oblivious's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at work handling the cash register. It wasn't working correctly, so I apologized to the woman I was waiting on for the delay and explained, "The cash register's being a little retarded today." Then I noticed her clearly "special" adult son standing behind her. FML

#18578540
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12806) - you deserved it (61369)

On 12/22/2011 at 10:23am - work - by insomnia (woman) - United States

Today, realizing how poor I am, I decided to steal gas. The only place I was brave enough to steal from was my parents' lawn mower. FML

#18518938
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9195) - you deserved it (33182)

On 12/15/2011 at 10:49am - money - by Anonymous - United States (Wyoming)

Today, my husband changed the voice on my car's GPS to Mr T's. I don't know how to change it back. I've been saying, "I pity the fool" over and over again ever since. FML

#18510240
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20075) - you deserved it (4881)

On 12/14/2011 at 9:06am - misc - by annoyed (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend took me to dinner and near the end, he pulled out a long, rectangular box. Thinking it was a necklace, I got very excited. It was a wand. FML

#18501609
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25438) - you deserved it (15892)

On 12/13/2011 at 7:26am - love - by reallyman__639 - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I saw a quarter in my poop. My friends say I do stupid things when I get drunk. Apparently, eating change is one of them. FML

#18500551
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8496) - you deserved it (32171)

On 12/13/2011 at 1:32am - health - by photomark - United States

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

#18499022
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21798) - you deserved it (5661)

On 12/12/2011 at 10:47pm - health - by CessnaPilot - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that I'm working on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. I'm spending my favourite time of the year working for $8.70 an hour. At McDonald's. FML

#18498054
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35641) - you deserved it (8441)

On 12/12/2011 at 9:15pm - work - by myjobsucks - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

#18496344
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30610) - you deserved it (2571)

On 12/12/2011 at 6:17pm - intimacy - by flowerchildd2 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was getting dressed in my bedroom with the blinds open and had nothing covering my top half. I thought my neighbours wouldn't be able to see in through all the trees, that was until I heard someone wolf whistle and one of my neighbours running away. FML

#18479529
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9982) - you deserved it (27708)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:35pm - misc - by nakedness (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was with my boyfriend and we were talking about childhood memories. He told me about a girl he made fun of in middle school. That was me. FML

#18479280
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36480) - you deserved it (3495)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

#18479276
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48142) - you deserved it (3613)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

#18467948
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9575) - you deserved it (24267)

On 12/09/2011 at 11:26am - love - by LinaLinaYeah (woman) - Canada

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42166) - you deserved it (5131)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, I got stuck driving behind a rather large motorcyclist on a one way road for 30 miles. For those 30 miles, I had a full view of his back fat rolls and butt crack. FML

#18466137
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22577) - you deserved it (3268)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:43am - misc - by O__o (woman) - United States

Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML

#18460196
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26734) - you deserved it (4479)

On 12/08/2011 at 12:41pm - kids - by childdreamkiller (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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