Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Capt_Oblivious

Search for a member

Capt_Oblivious

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 6660
  • Number of comments : 395
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Capt_Oblivious : You cannot even begin to imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

Want to know more? Contact me, it may just enrich your life. But probably not by much.

Capt_Oblivious's page activity

Visits<b>Toughsky</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 7:44pm<b>ispeakspanish</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 2:23am<b>adamant84</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 3:34pm<b>robotiick7</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 2:24am<b>cumberbunny</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 12:01pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 7:34pm<b>singer0421</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 12:25am<b>rubez08</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 2:29am<b>CrackCrazedMonky</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 10:10pm<b>F_Ur_Lives</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 7:22am<b>Alchemist_21</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 10:39pm<b>FuhrerBurg</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 7:33am<b>adam97</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 10:17am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 10:42am<b>MRVOlivia</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 10:09pm<b>Anomalymous</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 12:03am<b>24jfred</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 7:39pm<b>wGx14</b> - the 04/09/2014 at 9:56pm

Capt_Oblivious's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Capt_Oblivious's badges

Capt_Oblivious's favorite FMLs

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

#19626087
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25420) - you deserved it (2352)

On 05/15/2012 at 4:08am - intimacy - by uni life (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

#19563224
345 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6502) - you deserved it (86083)

On 05/02/2012 at 12:22pm - love - by f*ck (man) - United States

Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML

#19547230
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16512) - you deserved it (2396)

On 04/29/2012 at 11:22am - misc - by Kate (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

#19547170
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34945) - you deserved it (8712)

On 04/29/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by ShadowJack - United States

Today, I found out that of the three medications I am taking for depression, one causes weight gain, one causes severe weight gain, and one "might cause weight gain." FML

#19545026
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26483) - you deserved it (2906)

On 04/28/2012 at 11:00pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
425 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41822) - you deserved it (3823)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

#19388939
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22051) - you deserved it (9307)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States

Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML

#19195188
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24602) - you deserved it (2078)

On 03/01/2012 at 11:17am - health - by cmoney6452 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

#19173596
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22753) - you deserved it (3269)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

#19164002
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28095) - you deserved it (5094)

On 02/25/2012 at 10:13pm - misc - by baconandkittens (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

#19063731
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29522) - you deserved it (2471)

On 02/13/2012 at 6:32am - health - by anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I guess I accidentally left Facebook open on my work computer while I went to the bathroom, because my boss updated my status to "Unemployed." FML

#18765651
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13209) - you deserved it (49122)

On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - work - by Needsanewjob (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

#18733573
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19853) - you deserved it (39108)

On 01/07/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Danny - Australia

Today, while having sex, I told my boyfriend that I love him. I could feel him go soft inside me. FML

#18657042
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42914) - you deserved it (9111)

On 12/30/2011 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by KrissyBearr - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, our dog peed on nearly all the wrapped gifts under our Christmas tree. FML



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: