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Capt_Oblivious

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Capt_Oblivious
  • Town/Country : Earth
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5773
  • Number of comments : 395
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Capt_Oblivious : You cannot even begin to imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

Want to know more? Contact me, it may just enrich your life. But probably not by much.

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Capt_Oblivious's favorite FMLs

Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML

#19626087
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23003) - you deserved it (2115)

On 05/15/2012 at 4:08am - intimacy - by uni life (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

#19563224
350 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5593) - you deserved it (80658)

On 05/02/2012 at 12:22pm - love - by f*ck (man) - United States

Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML

#19547230
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14170) - you deserved it (2149)

On 04/29/2012 at 11:22am - misc - by Kate (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

#19547170
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31409) - you deserved it (8087)

On 04/29/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by ShadowJack - United States

Today, I found out that of the three medications I am taking for depression, one causes weight gain, one causes severe weight gain, and one "might cause weight gain." FML

#19545026
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23994) - you deserved it (2682)

On 04/28/2012 at 11:00pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38695) - you deserved it (3514)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

#19388939
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19929) - you deserved it (8944)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States

Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML

#19195188
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20781) - you deserved it (1794)

On 03/01/2012 at 11:17am - health - by cmoney6452 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML

#19173596
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20848) - you deserved it (3082)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:29am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

#19164002
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24758) - you deserved it (4637)

On 02/25/2012 at 10:13pm - misc - by baconandkittens (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

#19063731
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24550) - you deserved it (1780)

On 02/13/2012 at 6:32am - health - by anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I guess I accidentally left Facebook open on my work computer while I went to the bathroom, because my boss updated my status to "Unemployed." FML

#18765651
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12359) - you deserved it (47148)

On 01/10/2012 at 10:34am - work - by Needsanewjob (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mother came home from the grocery store with a 20kg bag of carrots, and nothing else. She then informed me that, for as long as my girlfriend and I keep 'going at it like rabbits', she would be feeding me like one. FML

#18733573
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19011) - you deserved it (37893)

On 01/07/2012 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Danny - Australia

Today, while having sex, I told my boyfriend that I love him. I could feel him go soft inside me. FML

#18657042
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41580) - you deserved it (8918)

On 12/30/2011 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by KrissyBearr - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, our dog peed on nearly all the wrapped gifts under our Christmas tree. FML



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