Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Capt_Oblivious

Search for a member

Capt_Oblivious

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7808
  • Number of comments : 395
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Capt_Oblivious : You cannot even begin to imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

Want to know more? Contact me, it may just enrich your life. But probably not by much.

Capt_Oblivious's page activity

Visits<b>JpTheGreat23</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 8:26am<b>boomHEADSHOTllll</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 1:39pm<b>Mortoli</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 6:11am<b>ktm71125</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 12:00am<b>smartpants1014</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 10:26pm<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 1:37am<b>The_Illegal_Juan</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 9:42pm<b>PureTime</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 3:00am<b>xxnick2dmaxx</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 7:00pm<b>Martijn1102</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 5:15pm<b>Talis99</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 9:37pm<b>Toughsky</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 7:44pm<b>ispeakspanish</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 2:23am<b>adamant84</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 3:34pm<b>robotiick7</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 2:24am<b>cumberbunny</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 12:01pm<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 7:34pm<b>singer0421</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 12:25am

Capt_Oblivious's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Capt_Oblivious's badges

Capt_Oblivious's favorite FMLs

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. I had my headphones in and was blasting my music. It was also cold so I had my hood up. I had my back turned to the house and wasn't paying attention. My brother thought I was a burglar and tackled me to the concrete. FML

#15720918
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17501) - you deserved it (27078)

On 04/10/2011 at 4:55am - misc - by Ouch (woman) - Canada

Today, I was watching Animal Planet while babysitting my 4 year-old niece. A really cute baby bunny came on and I called her into the room, only for her to see it get killed by a Bald Eagle. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#15632766
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30838) - you deserved it (16213)

On 04/04/2011 at 6:13am - kids - by arbiter3 -

Today, I went up to a girl at a bus stop and started chatting her up. Her response? "Am I being robbed?" FML

#15631458
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29303) - you deserved it (6530)

On 04/04/2011 at 2:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Mozambique (Maputo)

Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML

#15619603
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72546) - you deserved it (5880)

On 04/03/2011 at 11:14am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

#15617038
351 comments

I agree, your life sucks (107766) - you deserved it (7602)

On 04/03/2011 at 4:06am - intimacy - by Now Single - Reserved

Today, my wife decided that to help her stop smoking, she's also giving up the things that make her crave a cigarette. Sex is one of them. FML

#15591776
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46164) - you deserved it (6028)

On 04/01/2011 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by guest - United States

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

#15591569
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31503) - you deserved it (6353)

On 04/01/2011 at 5:12pm - animals - by poopybed - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. We're currently sharing a room on a cruise ship. FML

#15589378
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38863) - you deserved it (5272)

On 04/01/2011 at 1:35pm - love - by gRRRrr (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML

#15574334
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19594) - you deserved it (21932)

On 03/31/2011 at 11:54am - misc - by Nate (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, someone wearing dark grey clothes thought it would be a good idea to run in front of my car in the pouring rain. I slammed on my brakes and managed to stop before I'd have turned him into a blood sprinkler. Unfortunately, the person behind me didn't. FML

Today, I walked into a room, where a guy was violently picking his nose. He kept picking. A very pretty girl walked in after me, and he immediately stopped and sat up straight. Apparently, I'm too ugly to motivate strangers to stop excavating their nasal cavities. FML

#15546142
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32692) - you deserved it (4920)

On 03/29/2011 at 1:12pm - misc - by uggo - United States

Today, I decided to mock a few stuck-up runners by effortlessly jumping over the track hurdles. The last one was the easiest. The easiest to crush my balls on, and twist my ankle up in the process. FML

#15542266
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7717) - you deserved it (46092)

On 03/29/2011 at 2:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

#15542094
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13764) - you deserved it (69157)

On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

#15539670
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46132) - you deserved it (15415)

On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

#15536155
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25957) - you deserved it (7597)

On 03/28/2011 at 8:31pm - kids - by ohshit (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: