About Capt_Oblivious : You cannot even begin to imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.
Want to know more? Contact me, it may just enrich your life. But probably not by much.
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Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down, accidentally crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15562) - you deserved it (16419)
On 03/31/2011 at 11:54am - misc - by Nate (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, someone wearing dark grey clothes thought it would be a good idea to run in front of my car in the pouring rain. I slammed on my brakes and managed to stop before I'd have turned him into a blood sprinkler. Unfortunately, the person behind me didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26553) - you deserved it (1909)
On 03/31/2011 at 7:31am - misc - by myselfami (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I walked into a room, where a guy was violently picking his nose. He kept picking. A very pretty girl walked in after me, and he immediately stopped and sat up straight. Apparently, I'm too ugly to motivate strangers to stop excavating their nasal cavities. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26720) - you deserved it (3838)
On 03/29/2011 at 1:12pm - misc - by uggo - United States
Today, I decided to mock a few stuck-up runners by effortlessly jumping over the track hurdles. The last one was the easiest. The easiest to crush my balls on, and twist my ankle up in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6193) - you deserved it (34616)
On 03/29/2011 at 2:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11099) - you deserved it (53539)
On 03/29/2011 at 2:28am - intimacy - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39322) - you deserved it (12262)
On 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm - love - by ouch - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21223) - you deserved it (7033)
On 03/28/2011 at 8:31pm - kids - by ohshit (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47500) - you deserved it (21369)
On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was cooking, and I took a pot of boiling water to the sink to drain. My pot holder slipped, and the boiling water spilled all over my breasts. Second degree boob burns are bad, but losing half a nipple to potato salad is worse. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34669) - you deserved it (3189)
On 03/28/2011 at 2:42am - health - by ouchmytits - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26063) - you deserved it (4278)
Today, I kissed a boy I have liked since the first day of university. I was thrilled until he followed it with, "Right, I don't think we should tell anyone this happened. Not that they'd believe it anyway." He then patted my ass and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31499) - you deserved it (3795)
On 03/27/2011 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I would be ecstatic if he hadn't stuck the ring on his balls and asked for a blow-job. He even confessed that the original plan was to stick it on his penis but it was too small. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36146) - you deserved it (4510)
On 03/27/2011 at 4:37am - intimacy - by Angel1000168 - Australia
Today, my girfriend of two years told me she wasn't actually a lesbian and our relationship was more of a 'learning experience'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46332) - you deserved it (8597)
On 03/26/2011 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had such a violent coughing fit that my stomach emptied itself all over the floor while at my sales job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22517) - you deserved it (2482)
On 03/26/2011 at 4:54pm - work - by burntloyalty - United States
Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38928) - you deserved it (6655)
On 03/26/2011 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Thatslife (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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