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Capt_Oblivious

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Capt_Oblivious
  • Town/Country : Earth
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5819
  • Number of comments : 395
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Capt_Oblivious : You cannot even begin to imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

Want to know more? Contact me, it may just enrich your life. But probably not by much.

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Capt_Oblivious's favorite FMLs

Today, I was fired from my job. Apparently getting shot is no valid reason to stay home. FML

#15833093
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55105) - you deserved it (4165)

On 04/18/2011 at 11:09am - work - by davka -

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

#15831633
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9201) - you deserved it (48725)

On 04/18/2011 at 4:09am - kids - by B (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I was cutting a little boy's hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML

#15830049
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34248) - you deserved it (2742)

On 04/18/2011 at 12:46am - kids - by stickyhair (woman) - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

#15828645
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37435) - you deserved it (7343)

On 04/17/2011 at 11:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

#15820031
729 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44713) - you deserved it (6600)

On 04/17/2011 at 10:29am - health - by bumpyroad - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. His partly digested nachos decided to make an appearance halfway through. FML

#15809243
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35449) - you deserved it (3325)

On 04/16/2011 at 3:18pm - love - by ColdHeat (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I made a video for a school tour of my apartment in German. The walls in my apartment are thin, so you could hear my sister having phone sex in her room in the background. FML

#15804053
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30293) - you deserved it (4838)

On 04/16/2011 at 3:04am - intimacy - by Xanadu (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized that potato chips are made from potatoes. I'm 26. FML

#15803109
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9562) - you deserved it (70901)

On 04/16/2011 at 1:14am - misc - by Username - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend of 3 and half years broke up with me, just after I fixed-up her house that took me about 3 and a half years. FML

#15793143
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37663) - you deserved it (5182)

On 04/15/2011 at 7:50am - love - by Tjop (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my boyfriend finally let me take his dog on a walk, after two years of not trusting me to keep her safe. During the walk, a car drove by, causing her to run after it and pulling the leash out of my hand. Five hours later, and I still can't find her. FML

#15786852
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25335) - you deserved it (21084)

On 04/14/2011 at 7:29pm - animals - by ciararow - United States

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

#15786221
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8388) - you deserved it (32646)

On 04/14/2011 at 6:27pm - health - by fail (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML

#15784474
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50668) - you deserved it (3160)

On 04/14/2011 at 2:28pm - love - by Pregnant (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend punched a hole in a door. This is on top of the broken handle, cracked sink top, dented fridge, and other holes in the wall he has also made. We are 4 months into our year lease. I don't think we are getting our $720 deposit back. FML

#15781081
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20022) - you deserved it (15954)

On 04/14/2011 at 2:59am - money - by Username -

Today, I watched my dog chase his tail for ten minutes, thinking "wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I'd been watching my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes. FML

#15762337
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16029) - you deserved it (34308)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:20pm - animals - by Anonymous -

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

#15737058
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31284) - you deserved it (10311)

On 04/11/2011 at 5:39am - misc - by Ignored (woman) - United Kingdom (London)



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