About Capt_Oblivious : You cannot even begin to imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.
Want to know more? Contact me, it may just enrich your life. But probably not by much.
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Today, I was shopping for clothes. I thought this guy was a mannequin because he was standing perfectly still. I poked him and he screamed like a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10746) - you deserved it (23205)
On 06/02/2011 at 6:05am - misc - by ohcrap - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I threw myself a surprise party. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25307) - you deserved it (12395)
On 06/02/2011 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous -
Today, the sewers in my town became overloaded. My basement is now filled with other people's poo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33742) - you deserved it (2052)
On 06/01/2011 at 4:40pm - misc - by L -
Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23539) - you deserved it (13457)
On 05/30/2011 at 10:59am - health - by skigal24 - United States (Illinois)
Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17581) - you deserved it (35755)
On 05/30/2011 at 12:29am - love - by kingpin9219 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30097) - you deserved it (16855)
On 05/30/2011 at 12:19am - love - by weddingblues (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33320) - you deserved it (13135)
On 05/27/2011 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by valerie - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31447) - you deserved it (2854)
On 05/27/2011 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)
Today, my genius boyfriend was trying to remember a particular island in the Caribbean that was used by pirates in the past. I offered up Morocco. I heard him facepalm over the phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6068) - you deserved it (36653)
On 05/27/2011 at 1:46am - love - by Derp-A-Herp (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, is the anniversary of my cat's death, so I went to visit her grave in the pet cemetery. Someone had spray-painted "Your cat sucks" on her grave. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39619) - you deserved it (8273)
On 05/25/2011 at 10:48pm - animals - by nrelavender - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39157) - you deserved it (4276)
On 05/25/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by Brilliant... (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)
Today, I woke up needing to wee. I was at my boyfriend's and didn't want to wake him, so I sat on the edge of the toilet and peed as quietly as possible. I realised after that I'd sat too far over and had peed on the floor. There was no loo paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9579) - you deserved it (32722)
On 05/20/2011 at 3:05pm - misc - by lionhead14 (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, for the first time all month I felt truly proud and accomplished. I finally figured out how to change the toilet seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8321) - you deserved it (14094)
On 05/18/2011 at 11:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56315) - you deserved it (3356)
On 05/18/2011 at 3:57am - intimacy - by Jackedup (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54738) - you deserved it (7497)
On 05/16/2011 at 12:33pm - health - by Bobby M - Ireland (Carlow)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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