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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 14009
  • Number of comments : 395
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Capt_Oblivious : You cannot even begin to imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

Want to know more? Contact me, it may just enrich your life. But probably not by much.

Capt_Oblivious's page activity

Visits<b>KoiTheKewlKid</b> - the 10/18/2016 at 1:37pm<b>BestOrginalName</b> - the 10/12/2016 at 1:46pm<b>LiquidGoldRose</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 7:29am<b>slappygecko</b> - the 05/25/2016 at 3:37pm<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 11:24am<b>cats4lyfe</b> - the 04/30/2016 at 9:59pm<b>moldehbread</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 9:46am<b>Shadow9876</b> - the 04/12/2016 at 8:01pm<b>sastiel</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 12:48am<b>rivimatt</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 3:54pm<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 11:08am<b>bryce0110</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 12:29am<b>eggfactory</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 6:15am<b>ToxicTyrael</b> - the 10/25/2015 at 8:02pm<b>FuckThisLogin</b> - the 10/19/2015 at 11:25pm<b>punmessiah</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 8:03pm<b>NikkiVxD</b> - the 09/24/2015 at 1:12pm<b>dianer7</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 4:28pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 11:43pm

Capt_Oblivious's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Capt_Oblivious's badges

Capt_Oblivious's favorite FMLs

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 3:59pm / Ghana (Greater Accra) / Holidays

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

by DemiRawrs / 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm / United States / Health

Today, I realized my favorite pen advertises a vaginal cream. I've been letting people borrow it for months. FML

by MrConcise / 05/01/2013 at 12:28pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had to go buy diaper rash cream. For myself. FML

by ChangMu / 05/01/2013 at 2:40am / United States (Iowa) / Health

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2013 at 9:57am / China (Shanghai) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents decided to wake me up on my birthday. They flashed the lights and yanked off my bed sheets. I sleep naked. FML

by Beth / 04/28/2013 at 9:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML

by naps aren't what they used to be / 04/27/2013 at 6:05pm / United States / Work

Today, I was leaving work when I realized I had forgotten my bag on my desk. As I went back to get it, I overheard my co-workers talking about "last night's office party." I wasn't invited. FML

by demispark / 04/24/2013 at 10:10am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

by what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god / 04/05/2013 at 2:51pm / Singapore / Health

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

by yikes / 03/02/2013 at 10:32am / United States / Animals

Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML

by Doors Hate Me / 03/02/2013 at 9:09am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my friend's house, when she commented that her dog's fur kept getting tangled because of its length. I reached over to tickle his tummy, felt a big tangled knot and agreed that he needed a good grooming. Then I realized what I'd grabbed wasn't fur. FML

by Puppylove / 02/26/2013 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom / Animals