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CaptFappingtons

Offline (the 08/21/2014 at 8:26pm) | Search for a member

CaptFappingtons

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1980
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About CaptFappingtons : I enjoy hunting, fishing, archery, and fencing. Pretty odd interests, huh?

CaptFappingtons's page activity

Visits<b>thecouchisalive</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 1:58am<b>miliaras93</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 5:10am<b>mackle88</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 9:11am<b>Austrand22</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 5:15am<b>Landonthegreat23</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 1:41pm<b>PROEMG</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 3:52am<b>SplitEnds</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 2:32am<b>notabeachbabe</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 10:32pm<b>Eid7</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 11:44am<b>Jessica0928</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 3:08am<b>aa1717</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 10:14pm<b>1lesslonelygurl</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 6:06pm<b>izbechillin</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 10:57pm<b>shamonia</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 10:17pm<b>SaintVeronika</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 3:18pm<b>JuzReading</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 2:38am<b>bigtacoz</b> - the 05/26/2014 at 8:57pm<b>FrozenMusic</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 1:25am

CaptFappingtons's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of CaptFappingtons's badges

CaptFappingtons's favorite FMLs

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

#21242399
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39456) - you deserved it (14938)

On 08/21/2014 at 11:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45766) - you deserved it (7611)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42072) - you deserved it (5967)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24294) - you deserved it (44707)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

#21237831
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50499) - you deserved it (4899)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

#21236566
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37889) - you deserved it (4538)

On 08/13/2014 at 10:18am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

#21235982
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40201) - you deserved it (9224)

On 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40460) - you deserved it (25489)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, as I awoke, the sun was shining, the birds were tweeting, and police sirens were wailing at a drug bust next door. FML

#21234535
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38380) - you deserved it (3135)

On 08/11/2014 at 1:11am - misc - by Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34340) - you deserved it (3047)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47862) - you deserved it (5555)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I called my boyfriend and invited him over to watch a movie. He was all for it, until I mentioned I was on my period, at which point he said "NOPE." and hung up on me. FML

#21234002
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39414) - you deserved it (6100)

On 08/10/2014 at 12:42pm - love - by painedandpissed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49125) - you deserved it (21239)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

#21225641
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42516) - you deserved it (4372)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:38am - misc - by lostintdot (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

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