CantusVulpis

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CantusVulpis

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 6498
  • Number of comments : 75
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About CantusVulpis : My name is Bay, I read FML when I am bored, tired, or in an awkward situation. I think it would be fun to be on the FML team. :)
I'm big fan of Doctor Who, Legend of Zelda, Skyrim, Adventure Time, and BBC Sherlock.
Find me on Tumblr!
cantusvulpis.tumblr.com

CantusVulpis's page activity

Visits<b>captain_hero89</b> - the 09/11/2016 at 10:26am<b>beastiness</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 8:21am<b>eski2015</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 11:03pm<b>Zoldyck</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 11:53pm<b>IridianShadow</b> - the 12/04/2015 at 5:57am<b>rjc490</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 11:57am<b>paskievitchjack</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 9:15pm<b>WordBea</b> - the 09/19/2015 at 10:55pm<b>abattior</b> - the 09/12/2015 at 9:04am<b>Cian_1</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 8:01pm<b>Damafia</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 11:45am<b>Zachpro</b> - the 12/17/2014 at 12:14am<b>weekendhero</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 1:03pm<b>Jaager</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 3:49pm<b>Drag0nb0rn</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 6:35pm<b>BigPeter</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 5:28am<b>manchesterUK</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 7:39am<b>uflorida21</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 3:37am

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CantusVulpis's favorite FMLs

Today, I gave my girlfriend a small stun gun I bought for her. She mentioned how she thought it was ''cute'', though it probably wouldn't help if someone was after her. She then put the tazer to my chest. When I woke up, she told me how it was my fault, for buying it for her. FML

by Ducati / 08/09/2009 at 10:13pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

by Mortified / 07/22/2009 at 5:48am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that walking on the sidewalk does not mean that you will not be hit by a car. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2009 at 1:32am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML

by WearingOff / 07/13/2009 at 11:03pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I went to the gym to lift weights because my arm muscles are pathetic. In order to use a machine, I needed to pull out a knob to adjust the seat setting. After an embarassing struggle, a worker came over and helped me. Turns out I'm not even strong enough to adjust the seat settings. FML

by Heethersays / 07/02/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML

by wildthing / 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

by Marie / 06/08/2009 at 2:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Work

Today, I decided to use my mentor's advice. I told her I had been having some trouble controlling my anger, she told me to throw rocks at trees. I threw a rock at a tree, very hard. It bounced back hit me above the eye. I'm still pissed as shit. FML

by untitledentity / 05/24/2009 at 12:03pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

by Tootsy_Roll_Pop / 05/23/2009 at 12:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2009 at 11:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I sang my signature tune at a karaoke bar - What A Wonderful World - and I thought I sounded my best yet. After my performance, I went outside to get some air. Then, I got assaulted in the parking lot and ended up going to the hospital. What a wonderful world indeed. FML

by karaokestar / 04/23/2009 at 12:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

by twit / 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. There was a cyst behind one of them, and the dentist decided to extract it - except the Novocaine didn't reach that far back. I raised my hand like they said to do, and the dentist looked at me writing in pain and said, "No, you're fine." FML

by toothache / 03/09/2009 at 9:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML

by shit_upon_literally / 03/07/2009 at 12:51am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML

by PicturePerfect / 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous