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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 909
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About CandyPewPewPew : follow me on insta @candypewpewpew

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CandyPewPewPew's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of CandyPewPewPew's badges

CandyPewPewPew's favorite FMLs

Today, my bed fell through my floor. With me on it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (35818) - you deserved it (3429)

On 02/09/2015 at 8:26am - misc - by wtf?? - Saint Vincent and the Grenadines

Today, I made fun of a girl singing passionately along to a song on her radio while in traffic next to me. She decided that her chocolate milkshake would make a good addition to my brand new seat covers. FML


I agree, your life sucks (16342) - you deserved it (77452)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:54pm - misc - by oops - United States (California)

Today, at the beach, I noticed a plastic bag in the water. I wanted to do something good for a change, help protect the environment and get it out. It wasn't a bag; it was a jellyfish. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42606) - you deserved it (9397) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/13/2014 at 12:28am - animals - by Muwz - Sent from mobile version

Today, my roommate's pets conspired against me. "The dog ate my homework" has apparently become too clichéd for them. The new excuses are, "My cat chewed through my laptop power cable" and "the gecko ate my pen drive." FML


I agree, your life sucks (43678) - you deserved it (4725)

On 06/11/2014 at 8:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52317) - you deserved it (6272)

On 05/09/2014 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by CEO - United States (Virginia)

Today, my husband and I put our children to bed a little earlier than usual, so we could have some sexy time. Immediately following my full-blown orgasm, I rolled over, only to see my wide-eyed son peeking over the top of the mattress. FML


I agree, your life sucks (66093) - you deserved it (15451)

On 05/07/2014 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML


I agree, your life sucks (40774) - you deserved it (5978)

On 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by BaggedDown (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43922) - you deserved it (4105)

On 03/19/2014 at 8:28am - work - by pale-suzie (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML


I agree, your life sucks (60867) - you deserved it (4660)

On 03/15/2014 at 5:48pm - love - by broken vows (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42356) - you deserved it (6912)

On 03/11/2014 at 6:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, a woman attempted to pickpocket me while trying to educate me about God. FML

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