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About Calyx : Do you like my picture?
Its the sun...
Shining out of my ass.
Fingerprints everywhere
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, I was to give a presentation to several of my company's senior employees. The moment I stood up, I accidentally let rip a monstrous fart that lasted a good two or three seconds. When I tried to utter an apology, I clammed up and let out a whiny grunt. They were not amused. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3864) - you deserved it (806)
On 05/23/2012 at 4:38pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7042) - you deserved it (770)
On 05/22/2012 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, after spending about 5 grand on my home studio over the past year, I realized I have no musical talent whatsoever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1484) - you deserved it (6785)
On 05/22/2012 at 3:34am - misc - by gaga - United States (California)
Today, after months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You’re hot. Are you single?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (1207) - you deserved it (7275)
On 05/21/2012 at 9:05pm - misc - by bronco_lover89 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5808) - you deserved it (1141)
On 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm - money - by me (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1352) - you deserved it (11326)
On 05/18/2012 at 2:07am - misc - by Karmaisabitch - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was in the hospital with rib injuries after being rear-ended by a truck. The doc said, "Well, you'll probably feel like you've been hit by a truck for a while." Everyone laughed, except me. When I said he was being insensitive, he replied, "Calm down, I'm just ribbing you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (3774) - you deserved it (6572)
On 05/16/2012 at 6:29pm - health - by ...... (man) - United States
Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6098) - you deserved it (1115)
On 05/16/2012 at 1:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8917) - you deserved it (814)
On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, I noticed the only time my husband stops snoring like a drunken horse is so that he can fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5070) - you deserved it (543)
On 05/14/2012 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7523) - you deserved it (944)
On 05/13/2012 at 11:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me, the only thing positive about my day was a pregnancy test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9455) - you deserved it (1486)
On 05/11/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by rawr_fml001 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12338) - you deserved it (1486)
On 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm - work - by mel (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)
Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML
I agree, your life sucks (3062) - you deserved it (5253)
On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5546) - you deserved it (500)
On 05/10/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by Jesse (man) - United States (Washington)
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