Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Callilah

Search for a member

Callilah

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 842
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About Callilah : "Fear is ever changing in a moment."

Callilah's page activity

Visits<b>Thi3fstheme</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 2:57am<b>abdiG</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 5:29pm<b>The_Curvy_Girl</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 10:40pm<b>Lebeaugars95</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 9:05am<b>Sebastian2022</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 1:49am<b>abylenee_</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 12:46am<b>subhaan786</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 12:17pm<b>Faddyy6</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 10:53am<b>El_Mojiiito</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 7:17am<b>Garrison21</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 6:47am<b>Mexico_WC2018</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 4:36am<b>iHiccupBS</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 10:18pm<b>cdalton</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 5:32pm<b>melanie_c_g</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 4:57pm<b>CrazyLaughs4Me</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 1:27pm<b>sammy1021</b> - the 07/08/2014 at 8:43am<b>thomas5915</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 9:09am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 07/07/2014 at 1:49am

Callilah's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of Callilah's badges

Callilah's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44594) - you deserved it (5003)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

#20996030
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53145) - you deserved it (7009)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

#20894419
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44993) - you deserved it (3591)

On 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Craigslist is Evil. - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

#20891019
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43543) - you deserved it (8151)

On 09/22/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

#20882561
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54144) - you deserved it (27233)

On 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

#20865687
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48691) - you deserved it (10494)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by fml (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML

#20846451
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51519) - you deserved it (5749)

On 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by aly55a_mariie (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

#20785828
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50225) - you deserved it (3432)

On 07/16/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96772) - you deserved it (11084)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, in public, a homeless guy looked me in the eyes and started wanking. FML

#20729997
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46080) - you deserved it (4230)

On 06/16/2013 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by scarredforlife - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

#20715175
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56142) - you deserved it (9765)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I walked in on my dad masturbating to a nude photo of my mum on the computer. She passed away four years ago. FML

#20713899
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65763) - you deserved it (12197)

On 06/08/2013 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bromley)

Today, feeling the need to spice things up in our sex life, I dressed up in my husband's navy uniform jacket, hat, and a pair of heels. When he came into the room, he took one look at me and started laughing uncontrollably. FML

#20702628
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49757) - you deserved it (15023)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:41am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML

#20701323
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62731) - you deserved it (3370)

On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: