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CallMeDoctor's favorite FMLs
by SirDirtyRedD / 01/24/2014 at 8:03pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML
by Kenny / 01/24/2014 at 2:16am / Nigeria (Lagos) / Work
by anon / 12/26/2013 at 7:08am / Australia / Love
by cheyeahh6 / 11/17/2013 at 5:41pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML
by failed brood mare / 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by queenxalee / 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML
by that's methed up, darling / 08/16/2013 at 5:33pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML
by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health
Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML
by thatisfuckedup / 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML
by joolsie / 05/15/2013 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom / Love
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
by typical / 04/13/2013 at 7:49pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck / 04/12/2013 at 1:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML
by Apparently not a writer / 02/20/2013 at 11:36am / United States (Delaware) / Work
Today, whilst on a phone interview with a college I really want to go to, my mother picks up the other line and shouts into the phone "She's not going to college, she's lazy and she'll only disappoint you." The interviewer hung up before I could say anything. FML
by parentalissues / 02/15/2013 at 10:50am / United States / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, my 12-year-old daughter is a Nirvana fan, while my 20-year-old son is a Justin Bieber fan.… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to…