About CaliforniaErin : Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.
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CaliforniaErin's favorite FMLs
by Doors Hate Me / 03/02/2013 at 9:09am / United States / Miscellaneous
by 081013 / 03/02/2013 at 2:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I found out that the man I just married doesn't want to have children. We had this conversation multiple times with no problems before getting married, but now he would "rather die" than have children, because according to him, they would ruin his life. FML
by bummer.. / 03/02/2013 at 1:05am / United States / Love
Today, my brother called me, asking if I could help him do his taxes. Since he's a high school and college dropout, I thought all I had to do was a 1040EZ. No, last year he made more than twice what I earn, through self-employment. I have two Master's degrees and work at Burger King. FML
by tax-man / 03/01/2013 at 9:35pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by segal1010 / 02/27/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML
by Chelsea / 02/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML
by DumbCuntApparently / 02/27/2013 at 3:52pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML
by panicelement / 02/27/2013 at 2:17am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by incendiaaa / 02/24/2013 at 6:17am / Australia / Animals
Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML
by cls_x / 02/24/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend of almost six years asked me to move in with him. I assumed he meant that he was finally moving out of his parents' house and had found a place for us to live. No, it turns out he means he wants me to move in with him at his parents' place. FML
by great_just_great / 02/24/2013 at 12:48am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
by BadAssBandit897 / 02/23/2013 at 8:46am / Canada / Love
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 1:28am / United States (Colorado) / Health
by shelbylove115 / 02/22/2013 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let… Today, I went to get the Apple store, my Mac had been making a grinding noise from the fan. The guy… Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he can't keep an erection while we have sex is that I'm not…