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CaliLoveFire

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CaliLoveFire
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 11 May 1997 (16 years)
  • Number of visits : 252
  • Number of comments : 19
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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CaliLoveFire's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Socialite

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Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

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CaliLoveFire's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30268) - you deserved it (7102)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

#21066497
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42124) - you deserved it (4476)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by begging for air - United States (Oregon)

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

#21061692
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46458) - you deserved it (6256)

On 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

#21059009
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29677) - you deserved it (45260)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42472) - you deserved it (7548)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

#21049132
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39133) - you deserved it (3400)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:29am - health - by Sleepless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

#21045897
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41854) - you deserved it (5444)

On 01/31/2014 at 1:16am - intimacy - by CatBlock (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47274) - you deserved it (5526)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was packing, when my parents told me to put my little sister's toothbrush in the top pocket of their suitcase. The pocket I opened had 3 unopened boxes of condoms in it. We're going to my gran's house, and I'm going to be sleeping on a mattress on the floor of their room. FML

#21040204
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45840) - you deserved it (3614)

On 01/26/2014 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

#21039460
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43468) - you deserved it (6792)

On 01/25/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by sally - United States (Georgia)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40577) - you deserved it (9242)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I visited my girlfriend at her place, one thing lead to another, and we had sex for the first time. Her normally very sweet cat now hisses and savages me if I so much as look at him. FML

#21034982
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38455) - you deserved it (6228)

On 01/21/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by idiot says pussy (man) - United States

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43956) - you deserved it (4921)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

#21025946
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48261) - you deserved it (29423)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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