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Offline (the 09/10/2014 at 7:20pm) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 October 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1315
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About CalCommando : Gonna update this when I'm on a computer, not the app.

For now... cake farts.

CalCommando's page activity

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CalCommando's FML badges

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50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.


You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

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CalCommando's favorite FMLs

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45391) - you deserved it (9000)

On 10/18/2011 at 11:01am - intimacy - by imy - United States (Texas)

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML


I agree, your life sucks (11427) - you deserved it (75802)

On 07/30/2011 at 12:38am - animals - by loser4life - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML


I agree, your life sucks (13132) - you deserved it (74654)

On 09/07/2009 at 3:21pm - misc - by ilovefootball (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (56188) - you deserved it (14917)

On 08/30/2009 at 11:23am - misc - by mel (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML


I agree, your life sucks (49431) - you deserved it (16518)

On 07/22/2009 at 5:48am - misc - by Mortified (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML


I agree, your life sucks (88873) - you deserved it (21719)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML


I agree, your life sucks (15105) - you deserved it (50885)

On 05/29/2009 at 7:12am - misc - by ilikecake (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48481) - you deserved it (8432)

On 02/09/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by oops (man) - United States (Kentucky)

G.E. Gallas's illustrated FML

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  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

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