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Offline (the 09/10/2014 at 7:20pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 October 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1637
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About CalCommando : Gonna update this when I'm on a computer, not the app.

For now... cake farts.

CalCommando's page activity

Visits<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 09/23/2016 at 11:14pm<b>Frowny</b> - the 02/17/2016 at 9:24pm<b>Aadavis94</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 10:23pm<b>nana_star</b> - the 06/09/2015 at 5:03pm<b>kaed</b> - the 02/10/2015 at 10:42pm<b>Bvbfangirl</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 8:06pm<b>Ohthatsnasty</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 8:04am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 5:28pm<b>BatmansButler</b> - the 08/01/2013 at 10:49am<b>kidtoronto</b> - the 12/05/2011 at 7:48pm<b>Whydoyouask</b> - the 11/20/2011 at 2:36am

CalCommando's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.


You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of CalCommando's badges

CalCommando's favorite FMLs

Today, while performing a rectal exam on my female patient, I inadvertently said, "Okay, you're going to feel some pleasure now." I meant "pressure". Her husband was in the room. FML

by imy / 10/18/2011 at 11:01am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

by loser4life / 07/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

by ilovefootball / 09/07/2009 at 3:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

by mel / 08/30/2009 at 11:23am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

by Mortified / 07/22/2009 at 5:48am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

by OhGeez / 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, it was my boyfriend's 24th birthday. His friends were throwing him a surprise party and I was in charge of getting his birthday cake. As a joke, I got it in the shape of a penis, with a graphic marzipan design. Funny, I never knew his overly-conservative parents were invited. FML

by ilikecake / 05/29/2009 at 7:12am / United Arab Emirates (Dubai) / Miscellaneous

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

by oops / 02/09/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous