About CalCommando : Gonna update this when I'm on a computer, not the app.
For now... cake farts.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
50 quality responses
Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30219) - you deserved it (3335)
On 02/03/2012 at 1:29pm - animals - by deadhamster - United States
Today, I was breaking into a house when three police cruisers pulled up. They ran my social, my license plates, and asked me twenty minutes worth of questions, before allowing me to go back to work. I work as a locksmith; the homeowner had lost their keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28128) - you deserved it (2261)
On 02/01/2012 at 11:11am - work - by ABBenzin (man) - United States
Today, at school, I was scheduled to give a presentation to my class. As I arrived, my teacher said to me, "You're bleeding from the 120th pimple on your left cheek." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33399) - you deserved it (2916) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 01/19/2012 at 4:59pm - misc - by elite -
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25670) - you deserved it (3778)
On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom
Today, I found out the girl I've been fooling around with for two weeks has a boyfriend, who is in jail, and is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28284) - you deserved it (5102)
On 01/17/2012 at 6:57am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35917) - you deserved it (3355)
Today, I went to my first class of the semester. After an hour of intense note writing, I realized I was in the wrong class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14906) - you deserved it (18431)
On 01/10/2012 at 12:15pm - work - by student414 (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27073) - you deserved it (4424)
On 01/03/2012 at 6:07pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)
Today, after spending months learning how to play the guitar and memorizing the music to my girlfriend's all-time favorite song, I performed it for her. Her response? "Well, you kind of ruined that song for me now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24162) - you deserved it (3703)
On 12/20/2011 at 5:41pm - love - by tommy - United States (Georgia)
Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11310) - you deserved it (31760)
On 12/05/2011 at 12:41am - money - by Christina - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34563) - you deserved it (7881)
On 12/05/2011 at 12:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was terribly nervous for my patient interview exam as a 4th year medical student. In my nervousness I learned that just because a patient is wearing a T-shirt and shorts, has a short hair cut and a moustache and is named 'Chris', it is not safe to assume that they are male. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24954) - you deserved it (3314)
On 12/02/2011 at 9:40am - work - by Monday (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35979) - you deserved it (3751)
On 11/29/2011 at 1:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18012) - you deserved it (6929)
On 11/23/2011 at 1:40am - health - by OCDrunk (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29373) - you deserved it (5243)
On 11/16/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by halloweed (woman) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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