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CalCommando

Offline (the 09/10/2014 at 7:20pm) | Search for a member

CalCommando

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 October 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 886
  • Number of comments : 78
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About CalCommando : Gonna update this when I'm on a computer, not the app.

For now... cake farts.

CalCommando's page activity

Visits<b>Bvbfangirl</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 8:06pm<b>Ohthatsnasty</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 8:04am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 5:28pm<b>BatmansButler</b> - the 08/01/2013 at 10:49am<b>kidtoronto</b> - the 12/05/2011 at 7:48pm<b>Whydoyouask</b> - the 11/20/2011 at 2:36am

CalCommando's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of CalCommando's badges

CalCommando's favorite FMLs

Today, I was waiting for my wife in a mall when some kids came and sat near me, wearing band t-shirts. I recognized some, as I was into The Smiths and Black Flag in my youth. I tried to strike up a music-fan chat with them. "Fuck off, grandad" and "Ew, pedo" is all I got in return. FML

#20087854
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22914) - you deserved it (4130)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:54am - kids - by HenryRollinsForPresident (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML

#20079475
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59420) - you deserved it (3053)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my boyfriend called out the word "scalpel" when he orgasmed. He won't tell me why. FML

#20072555
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24872) - you deserved it (2550)

On 09/15/2012 at 3:36am - intimacy - by not the scalpel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a creepy girl from my class wouldn't stop texting me and trying to call me. In order to get her to stop, I texted back saying that I was at my mom's house for a family dinner. She replied, "No you're not. I can see you right now." FML

#20069063
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32408) - you deserved it (3736)

On 09/12/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the acne on one side of my face has flared up at the corners of my mouth, making me look just like The Joker. FML

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. I've been secretly taking Welsh lessons as a surprise for him, so when I was getting close, I whispered the Welsh for "Don't stop." He pulled out and accused me of cheating on him with his best friend. He won't believe anything else. FML

#20057019
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29876) - you deserved it (4069)

On 09/04/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by gingerbetty - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML

#19846265
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26088) - you deserved it (15699)

On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

#19838531
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30805) - you deserved it (2895)

On 06/24/2012 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

#19707961
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31474) - you deserved it (4251)

On 05/31/2012 at 1:28am - misc - by gonavybeatarmy - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

#19131405
406 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38123) - you deserved it (5625)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML

#19129332
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20882) - you deserved it (24617)

On 02/21/2012 at 3:10am - intimacy - by desperate905 - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I had to tell my 7 year old son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML

#19126066
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32156) - you deserved it (4987)

On 02/20/2012 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Gothicbunnyx3 - United States

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

#19121013
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8557) - you deserved it (40918)

On 02/20/2012 at 5:01am - misc - by elizabethyeo - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

#19119481
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22437) - you deserved it (5858)

On 02/20/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by vw (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

#18989889
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25339) - you deserved it (2387)

On 02/04/2012 at 3:13am - misc - by lrgenesis - United States (Oregon)



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