About CTMPandemonium : I'm not saying I'm Batman.... I'm just saying nobody has ever seen Batman and me in the same room...
CTMPandemonium's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
CTMPandemonium's favorite FMLs
Today, my 11-year-old daughter heard the quote, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." She decided to test this out by letting our new puppy out of the front door. FML
by Anonymous / 07/15/2013 at 8:10pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML
by mile high clubber / 07/14/2013 at 6:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML
by hellbound / 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2013 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML
by Anonymous / 07/11/2013 at 10:24am / United States / Intimacy
by my honest father / 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by roseland / 07/07/2013 at 4:07pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by hamburger / 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 12:13pm / Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis) / Love
by walker / 07/06/2013 at 12:17am / United States / Love
Today, I was telling my girlfriend about how my parents are flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because "It's on the other side of the world." We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML
by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 7:34pm / United States (Texas) / Holidays
by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, while jogging, a guy tackled me and got my iPhone. Being a good runner, I caught up with him and grabbed him. Next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a policeman yelling in my ear. The guy got away. FML
by anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by OnPlanetVenus / 07/04/2013 at 12:41am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
- Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible… Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to… Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my…