About CTMPandemonium : I'm not saying I'm Batman.... I'm just saying nobody has ever seen Batman and me in the same room...
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50 quality responses
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CTMPandemonium's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 07/21/2013 at 12:15am / United States / Work
Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML
by Nick / 07/20/2013 at 3:37pm / United States (California) / Money
Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML
by Dirty_Mind_69 / 07/20/2013 at 4:35am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by solitaire / 07/20/2013 at 4:14am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Kat_Styles / 07/19/2013 at 4:51am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date and we seemed to have hit it off nicely. I asked him if he could drive me home. Along the way he stopped on a pitch-black road and told me to get out so he could take a picture. He then gave me my bag and drove off, leaving me stranded in the middle of nowhere. FML
by Misshhh / 07/19/2013 at 12:02am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
by coldstar / 07/18/2013 at 5:06am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML
by booger / 07/18/2013 at 3:41am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by hannahisacooler / 07/16/2013 at 7:41pm / United States (California) / Love
by ... cheers / 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Love
Today, I suddenly started having excruciating pain. My husband took me to the ER, where I waited for three hours in agony to be seen. By the time a doctor got to me, the pain had mostly gone, but it was found to be a kidney stone. I was told, "Next time, don't wait so long." Really? FML
by Orchard / 07/16/2013 at 1:25pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health
Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML
by ronnieG / 07/16/2013 at 12:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML
by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health
by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy