About CTMPandemonium : I'm not saying I'm Batman.... I'm just saying nobody has ever seen Batman and me in the same room...
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
CTMPandemonium's favorite FMLs
by how / 07/25/2013 at 12:10am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that even though my boyfriend thinks that peeing on me in the shower is acceptable, he will still freak out and call me disgusting if I try to use the toilet while he's taking a shower. FML
by Anonymous / 07/24/2013 at 12:36pm / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy
Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML
by Iamdisappointed / 07/24/2013 at 7:50am / Sweden (Dalarnas Lan) / Intimacy
by not_very_smart / 07/24/2013 at 2:44am / United States / Health
Today, I got a call from my boyfriend's boss. She was wondering if he was okay, since he hasn't shown up to work for the past two weeks. Now I'm wondering where he's been going when he leaves the house each day. FML
by Hesintrouble / 07/23/2013 at 3:03pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
by MenstruallyFrustrated / 07/23/2013 at 1:18pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML
by suckstosuck / 07/23/2013 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by FUCK / 07/22/2013 at 2:29pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, I was at Walmart. A guy in a mobility scooter bumped into me, then told me to "get the fuck out of the way." When I told him to watch his mouth, he got up and shoved me into a shelf. Just a few minutes prior, he'd yelled that he was paralyzed from the waist down. FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 12:53pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by xXxXxTOBIxX / 07/22/2013 at 7:49am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her another girl's name. FML
by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 4:47am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love
Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML
by notenoughunderwearintheworld / 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Transportation
Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML
by what have i done with my life / 07/21/2013 at 1:46pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Carebeareatu / 07/21/2013 at 9:26am / United States / Love
Today, I went to see one of my favorite bands. They were having signings, but only the first one hundred could get one. When I finally got to the desk, they said I was number hundred and one, and to get lost. FML
by Anonymous / 07/21/2013 at 12:51am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…