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CTMPandemonium

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CTMPandemonium

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1531
  • Number of comments : 54
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About CTMPandemonium : I'm not saying I'm Batman.... I'm just saying nobody has ever seen Batman and me in the same room...

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CTMPandemonium's favorite FMLs

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

#818828
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64385) - you deserved it (17674)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML

#813420
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71691) - you deserved it (4079)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by Geewizz (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was doing the morning count for the registers, a lady walked by and saw me. She's got Alzheimer's, and thought I was robbing the guy I'd bought the store from, so she called the cops. I spent six hours in jail while they looked into it, and didn't even get an apology. FML

#674339
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69118) - you deserved it (2653)

On 03/29/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by murphslaw (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML

#584648
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44158) - you deserved it (24048)

On 03/24/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by casey (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

#480695
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16356) - you deserved it (94171)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by StephD (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

#446324
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99848) - you deserved it (24753)

On 03/18/2009 at 6:42pm - love - by Syferix (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (174165) - you deserved it (34137)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047
1228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (649315) - you deserved it (437355)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

#170978
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46575) - you deserved it (157152)

On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1142552) - you deserved it (115216)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

#130109
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42852) - you deserved it (3568)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (121986) - you deserved it (22164)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

#108815
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84107) - you deserved it (5620)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:04pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

#75712
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43066) - you deserved it (2483)

On 02/19/2009 at 2:09am - misc - by Offended (woman) - United States (New York)



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