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CTMPandemonium

Offline (the 05/26/2015 at 12:53pm) | Search for a member

CTMPandemonium

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6354
  • Number of comments : 56
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About CTMPandemonium : I'm not saying I'm Batman.... I'm just saying nobody has ever seen Batman and me in the same room...

CTMPandemonium's page activity

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CTMPandemonium's favorite FMLs

Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML

#891660
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11407) - you deserved it (63448)

On 04/09/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by phatkroger10 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was selling cookie dough for a fund raiser at an old folks home. One lady ordered a box and told me that she loved cookie dough. I told her it'd be here in 4 weeks, she said "Oh I can't wait!". Not really thinking, as I left I said, "I hope you can make it till then!". FML

#891660
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11407) - you deserved it (63448)

On 04/09/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by phatkroger10 (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML

#866665
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20940) - you deserved it (74362)

On 04/08/2009 at 2:38am - misc - by thatwasmiz (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

#820879
374 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20233) - you deserved it (262645)

On 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm - misc - by funnyguyNOT (man) - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

#818828
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67495) - you deserved it (18496)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML

#813420
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74827) - you deserved it (4337)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by Geewizz (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was doing the morning count for the registers, a lady walked by and saw me. She's got Alzheimer's, and thought I was robbing the guy I'd bought the store from, so she called the cops. I spent six hours in jail while they looked into it, and didn't even get an apology. FML

#674339
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69463) - you deserved it (2675)

On 03/29/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by murphslaw (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML

#584648
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44932) - you deserved it (24356)

On 03/24/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by casey (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

#480695
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17656) - you deserved it (98405)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by StephD (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

#446324
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (103409) - you deserved it (25417)

On 03/18/2009 at 6:42pm - love - by Syferix (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (178452) - you deserved it (34657)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047
1272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (689045) - you deserved it (461459)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

#170978
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46989) - you deserved it (159289)

On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)



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