Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

CTMPandemonium

Search for a member

CTMPandemonium

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1279
  • Number of comments : 53
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About CTMPandemonium : I'm not saying I'm Batman.... I'm just saying nobody has ever seen Batman and me in the same room...

CTMPandemonium's page activity

Visits<b>noideaforname</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 7:59am<b>Klairem11</b> - the 07/05/2014 at 2:55pm<b>RollingCakes</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 5:42pm<b>Cupcake040</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 5:05pm<b>JVVortex</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 3:11pm<b>domking1315</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 2:33pm<b>mjlocat</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 1:10pm<b>123bmxme</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 11:45am<b>Aquaman911</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 11:19am<b>BigJoeZD</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 11:10am<b>Xivion</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 10:22am<b>Catkam623</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 9:55am<b>MaiMai137</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 9:45am<b>gracehi</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 9:40am<b>RoseFox0029</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 9:02am<b>deusetnatura</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 8:49am<b>Roskie</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 7:41am<b>curticus</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 7:29am

CTMPandemonium's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of CTMPandemonium's badges

CTMPandemonium's favorite FMLs

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

#480695
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16324) - you deserved it (94057)

On 03/19/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by StephD (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

#446324
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99681) - you deserved it (24739)

On 03/18/2009 at 6:42pm - love - by Syferix (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (173381) - you deserved it (34115)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML

#361047
1223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (642703) - you deserved it (433939)

On 03/15/2009 at 10:20pm - misc - by KAAALIS (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

#170978
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46540) - you deserved it (156661)

On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

#159600
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (1134275) - you deserved it (114788)

On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

#130109
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42689) - you deserved it (3554)

On 02/25/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (121715) - you deserved it (22142)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

#108815
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84000) - you deserved it (5619)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:04pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

#75712
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42998) - you deserved it (2476)

On 02/19/2009 at 2:09am - misc - by Offended (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML

#24806
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59416) - you deserved it (3061)

On 02/11/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Distressed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32605) - you deserved it (435118)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my boyfriend handcuffed me to the bed, naked. Someone pulled the fire alarm, and my boyfriend couldn't find the key. So he left me, and the Resident Advisor found me. The fireman had to cut the chain. FML

#12567
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (276922) - you deserved it (51734)

On 02/06/2009 at 10:55pm - misc - by hahahehehohohoo (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: