About CTMPandemonium : I'm not saying I'm Batman.... I'm just saying nobody has ever seen Batman and me in the same room...
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
CTMPandemonium's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/30/2013 at 5:05pm / United States (New York) / Money
by itsellie27 / 08/30/2013 at 10:44am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health
Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML
by aly55a_mariie / 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
by DrtySnchez / 08/18/2013 at 5:37am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML
by fsfs / 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML
by anonymous / 08/16/2013 at 10:05am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML
by justwantingtohelp / 08/16/2013 at 1:02am / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, I went to a store. I was wearing a shirt that I'd bought from the very same store, and was accused of stealing. When I tried explaining, the manager said I was lying because I'm a teenager and "all teenagers are full of shit." FML
by PapaMoti / 08/15/2013 at 4:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Money
by The Corner Of Death / 08/12/2013 at 4:17am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by WTF? / 08/12/2013 at 12:49am / United States (Arizona) / Love
by DandoisFLAT / 08/11/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML
by ImNotFat / 08/07/2013 at 2:04am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/01/2013 at 3:36am / United States (Arizona) / Love
- Today, my very religious grandmother walked in on me masturbating. She's sending me to bible camp.… Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited,… Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I…
- Today, I finally received my boyfriends birthday gift. 46 days after ordering and paying for 2 days… Today, while on a ride at a water park, someone stole my thongs. The ground is hot enough to burn… Today, I had sex for the first time lying on a deck chair outside of a house party. Just as I reach…