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CTMPandemonium

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CTMPandemonium
  • Town/Country : Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 617
  • Number of comments : 45
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About CTMPandemonium : I'm not saying I'm Batman.... I'm just saying nobody has ever seen Batman and me in the same room...

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CTMPandemonium's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44023) - you deserved it (14244)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

#11389778
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15283) - you deserved it (44846)

On 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm - health - by fartwoman - United States (California)

Today, my 18 year old daughter comes home telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had ICarly happy meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

#8838699
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24199) - you deserved it (4652)

On 03/05/2010 at 1:10am - kids - by icarlymom (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

#8223058
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23891) - you deserved it (8745)

On 02/13/2010 at 9:19pm - love - by AnnaNick (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

#7782568
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29185) - you deserved it (7222)

On 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm - love - by kaitlynn - Sent from mobile version

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

#7531653
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18646) - you deserved it (8082)

On 01/23/2010 at 10:29pm - love - by lmiller (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

#7234085
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14741) - you deserved it (3849)

On 01/09/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by bjfail (woman) - United Kingdom (North Yorkshire)

Today, the guy I have been seeing stopped me in the middle of sex and told me to finish him off by going down on him instead. After a few minutes, I looked up to discover that the noises I had thought were moans of pleasure were actually the sounds of him snoring. FML

#7234085
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14741) - you deserved it (3849)

On 01/09/2010 at 10:56am - intimacy - by bjfail (woman) - United Kingdom (North Yorkshire)

Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML

#7203550
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28486) - you deserved it (1505)

On 01/07/2010 at 7:21pm - misc - by Darkness162000 - France

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

#7056556
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30269) - you deserved it (3019)

On 12/31/2009 at 12:33pm - love - by lifesux (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents were having a Christmas party. They went out to get the vodka in our garage fridge, only to find most of it was frozen. Knowing vodka doesn't freeze, they soon realized that I had been taking some and refilling it with water over the past two months. FML

#6927216
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4747) - you deserved it (42717)

On 12/24/2009 at 7:36pm - misc - by Sean (man) - United States

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

#6842444
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36349) - you deserved it (2891)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

#6708015
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17616) - you deserved it (5625)

On 12/11/2009 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by badbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. FML

#6695644
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22804) - you deserved it (3607)

On 12/10/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by dayum (man) - Mexico (Chihuahua)



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