About CTMPandemonium : I'm not saying I'm Batman.... I'm just saying nobody has ever seen Batman and me in the same room...
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Who’s the fairest of them all?
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CTMPandemonium's favorite FMLs
by mokki / 03/31/2015 at 8:56am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Eddy / 03/13/2015 at 11:27pm / United States (Arkansas) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/13/2014 at 12:05am / United States (California) / Money
by Anonymous / 09/17/2014 at 4:07pm / United States / Love
by anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/01/2014 at 10:08am / United States / Transportation
Today, my sister felt guilty and told me about the changes she secretly made to my résumé months ago. She'd put "doing your mom" and "corporate espionage" as my hobbies, and "Justin Bieber's pussy waxer" as a previous job. No wonder I'm still unemployed. FML
by fuck you, tasha / 08/24/2014 at 5:50pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Kev / 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML
by suspended / 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by Lisa / 07/18/2014 at 4:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Is that..? / 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML
by AJL / 07/03/2014 at 9:30pm / United States / Transportation
Today, I was talking to my boss about dogs and cats. I'm a dog person; he's a cat person. He told me that he likes cats better, because they are laid back and don't do anything all day. Before I could stop myself, I blurted out, "Just like you?" FML
by Respect101 / 06/25/2014 at 8:20pm / United States (Texas) / Work
- Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to… Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for… Today, what my friends call my "resting bitch face" freaked my boyfriend out enough during sex that…