About CRrawsum : Screenwriter/ makeup artist in training.
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Mobility
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Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13581) - you deserved it (2414)
On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18937) - you deserved it (4581)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18525) - you deserved it (1729)
On 10/16/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by Mike - United States
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19515) - you deserved it (6724)
On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62990) - you deserved it (6332)
On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)
Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13051) - you deserved it (9651)
On 10/05/2012 at 4:14am - health - by Darla (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19975) - you deserved it (3405)
On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14698) - you deserved it (2451)
On 09/28/2012 at 2:09am - love - by unhappy wifey (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29114) - you deserved it (2133)
On 09/27/2012 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by linn (woman) - United States
Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19279) - you deserved it (1206)
On 09/27/2012 at 11:46am - health - by Dave (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14496) - you deserved it (5408) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 09/27/2012 at 12:10am - health - by Display - Sent from mobile version
Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21837) - you deserved it (4938) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 09/21/2012 at 7:31am - misc - by minibuch1505 - Sent from mobile version
Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15612) - you deserved it (8276)
On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22447) - you deserved it (1211)
On 09/19/2012 at 1:02pm - misc - by jitiizer (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)
Today, at school, a guy walked up to me and said I look a little too young to be at high school. I told him that I'm sixteen years old. He stared at my chest for several long seconds, muttered "What the fuck?" and walked off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19206) - you deserved it (1555)
On 09/17/2012 at 7:14pm - misc - by wtf yourself, cunt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Monday 17 June 2013
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