About CJ91516 : My heart is surrounded by darkness with a single ray of light shining on it.
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CJ91516's favorite FMLs
Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML
by magomag / 05/14/2013 at 12:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML
by ewww / 08/26/2012 at 5:21am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Sexting / 08/21/2012 at 11:29am / United States / Intimacy
by Sarah / 08/17/2012 at 3:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/26/2012 at 6:42am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by Itstrickyyxx / 07/25/2012 at 2:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML
by Arthurie / 07/24/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Health
by nick / 07/23/2012 at 8:52pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 3:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by It was the 11 year old / 07/21/2012 at 4:00am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2012 at 5:38pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Work
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my cross-country flight was delayed for an hour. When I finally boarded, I found out that my… Today, my best friend asked me to be his girlfriend. Out of pure shock i replied "is this a joke?"… Today, my boss called me in to work on my only day off in two weeks. After working more than a full…