CJ91516

Search for a member

CJ91516

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 759
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About CJ91516 : My heart is surrounded by darkness with a single ray of light shining on it.

CJ91516's page activity

Visits<b>jill97</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 11:41am<b>darkmatou</b> - the 10/23/2014 at 11:37am<b>brewmasterg</b> - the 10/02/2013 at 1:20am<b>JoshArson</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 9:19pm<b>hexo21</b> - the 08/29/2013 at 1:49am<b>noncom</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 5:47pm<b>iOceanus</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 4:15pm<b>lighter123</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 3:17pm<b>BenjiX</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 1:59pm<b>arazomia</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 1:39pm<b>LunaBlack666</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 11:44am<b>happle</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 11:00am<b>YoshiEgg</b> - the 06/13/2013 at 10:29am<b>Jmadrid11</b> - the 06/07/2013 at 1:35pm

CJ91516's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of CJ91516's badges

CJ91516's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML

by magomag / 05/14/2013 at 12:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML

by Renzy / 12/12/2012 at 1:32pm / Kids

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my cat meowing, with her dilated vagina in my face, giving birth to her first litter of kittens. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML

by ewww / 08/26/2012 at 5:21am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

by Sexting / 08/21/2012 at 11:29am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

by Sarah / 08/17/2012 at 3:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2012 at 6:42am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend got a new job. He'll be over the road for three weeks at a time, and home on the remaining week. Basically, I'll see him once a month. Guess which time of month it'll fall on. FML

by Itstrickyyxx / 07/25/2012 at 2:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML

by Arthurie / 07/24/2012 at 7:44pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I received a "get well soon" card in the mail, which I found just a little odd, since I was feeling completely fine. Not an hour later, I tripped and fell down a flight of stairs. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2012 at 1:36pm / United States / Health

Today, was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

by nick / 07/23/2012 at 8:52pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I mowed over a bird while mowing the lawn. It wasn't dead, so I had to mow over it a second time to put it out of its misery. Now there are pieces of dead bird all over my lawn and I can't sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 3:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

by It was the 11 year old / 07/21/2012 at 4:00am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2012 at 5:38pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Work