tfln is better
Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML
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On 12/31/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML
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On 08/30/2009 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by sigh (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. After about 10 minutes, when we change positions, he shouts: "Power Rangers - Transform!" FML
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On 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML
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On 08/09/2009 at 7:54pm - misc - by pwndbykidz (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I found out that I was held back in preschool because of some developmental issues. My parents didn't think it was important enough to mention it to me. Why hadn't I figured it out? They also lied to me about how old I was. FML
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On 08/03/2009 at 2:31am - misc - by dumb (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I just found out my dad got remarried a year ago. The woman is officially living with us, I got to have lunch with her alone today. I found out she is only 22, with a 14 year old little brother. My dad's 47. I'm 17, now with a 14 year old uncle and a mom that can pass for my girlfriend. FML
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On 07/29/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by Beefballs (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went to the grocery store. My checker was very hot. When it came time for me to pay, I swiped my debit card & the machine kept rejecting it. Sure that I had money in my account, I did it again, before the cute checker informed me that I was swiping my driver's license, not my debit. FML
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On 07/28/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by flustered - United States (California)
Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML
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On 07/28/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by bsaucedo (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my five-year-old came home from summer camp crying because her friends and counselors had all laughed at her when she couldn't identify colors correctly during a game. My husband then confessed that he had taught her colors wrong because he thought it would be funny. FML
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On 07/16/2009 at 1:50pm - kids - by KWidget (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was in the gas station and I saw this creepy lady staring at me and smiling. She just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let her know that I saw her staring at me. Finally I decided to confront the woman, turns out the overly happy woman was a cardboard cut out FML
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On 07/15/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML
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On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML
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On 06/14/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by locksmack (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I hooked up with this guy i really like for the first time. After, we were laying in bed listening to music. When the song finished he leaned over and said, "You know what you and that song have in common?" I smiled and said, "What?" He replied with, "You just got played, get out of my bed." FML
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On 06/12/2009 at 8:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML
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On 06/05/2009 at 1:03am - health - by NoPainNoGain (man) - United States (California)
