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CARLOS_SHWOMP's FML badges
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CARLOS_SHWOMP's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
by shattysituation / 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Work
by gassy / 12/29/2012 at 4:32am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML
by Iknoweverything / 12/22/2012 at 3:06am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2012 at 2:20am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/13/2012 at 6:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, my friend and I were walking home when we saw a patch of wet cement. Taking a page out of every single Disney movie ever made, we wrote our names in it. What Disney movies don't show is when the neighbors tattle on you and you have to pay $500 to get the cement redone. FML
by onlyme / 10/24/2012 at 10:36pm / United States / Money
by best_mom_ever / 10/19/2012 at 3:59am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/17/2012 at 12:45pm / United States (Michigan) / Money
Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML
by Rachel / 07/20/2012 at 1:13am / United States / Money
by Sarah / 06/12/2012 at 12:59pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
by perenoel / 12/03/2011 at 11:24am / France / Kids
Today, my aunt and I went shopping. When we got to the store, she said she forgot her wallet, and I told her I would buy some things for her. When we were at the checkout, I was a dollar short. She said, "Oh, I'll get it!" and pulled out her wallet. FML
by sarahwittman / 06/13/2011 at 6:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Money
by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 8:40pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML
by nick2.0 / 09/09/2009 at 5:20pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, on a plane I was showing my brother the life jackets kept under the seat. After pulling on what I thought was the lifejacket, I then realized that they were kept in the arm rest to my right and for the last five minutes I had been pulling on the foot of the man who was sitting behind me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2009 at 12:28am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…