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CAGymnast's favorite FMLs
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. After we finished, he went under the covers and started touching me. At first I thought he was trying to give me "oral pleasure". It turns out he lost the condom inside of me and was trying to fish it out before I noticed. FML
by boopadoop / 10/20/2011 at 1:35pm / United States / Intimacy
by socialdisease / 08/22/2011 at 11:58am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML
by **(: / 08/09/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by crotchshothottie / 07/26/2011 at 12:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by whyme102008 / 07/13/2011 at 2:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Now Single / 04/03/2011 at 4:06am / Reserved / Intimacy
by Albert06 / 03/14/2011 at 5:26pm / France / Love
Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to move out. Excited, thinking he wanted us to move out from his mom's house, I said, "Yeah! Just you and me?" to which he smirked and replied, "No, just you." FML
by Shropintz / 02/22/2011 at 7:27pm / United States / Love
by fmylife117 / 02/17/2011 at 1:37pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
by bitchasaurusrex / 02/15/2011 at 4:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my professor's son died in a car accident and class has been cancelled until further notice. All my friends were delighted and cheered about it in front of me. I was dating my professor's son. FML
by Anonymous / 02/10/2011 at 1:38pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML
by LimpMcgee / 02/06/2011 at 9:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids
Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML
by Anonymous / 01/10/2011 at 2:14pm / United States (California) / Health
by ohemmgeee / 12/31/2010 at 6:11am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…